Sea drifts

It's not easy pretending to be fine . How hard it is to admit that I don't because I know somehow, you're going to ask me questions I don't want to answer . I've been hiding myself in the corner, taking the burden from my chest to be able to handle every heartache you gave me because you don't know that you are doing so . I thought a sorry was okay . I don't know why but it seems like I've come to a point that there'll be more sorry's to forgive and that you know somehow you're going to keep doing things accidentally and let me forgive you again. And again. And again. And again. I could say its okay a thousand times but my heart is falling apart again due to insecurities and false hopes . I knew that I couldn't do much to change that and no matter how hard you try, you're around those girls, saying sweet things that I barely hear myself from you . I didn't expect it to be easy but I trusted you . I know you don't like them but I'm a girl, I don't understand how a boy could say such words to a girl when they already have someone . The way you speak like you're flirting, what more could you do to make me feel so insecure ? I'm not fine . Totally not .

I don't want to pick up the calls . I don't want to hear another sorry, what's wrong and explanations.... I just want a normal, sweet and sincere relationship when you don't go around saying "sayang" "beautiful" to someone else that's not even your girlfriend . Maybe it's okay for you because you're used to calling them that but for me, it's big, TOO BIG that it hurts to hear it that it's for someone else . I know I'm your princess but don't you think it's still in terms of flirting ?

That night when you told me I should go clean my eyes and look at boys like its no big deal because you want me to have fun in Kuching, that night really bugged me to BITS . What do you think of me looking at boys is fun ? I'm not that easily drowned in boys . I don't see any attraction when I already have you . You don't get it. I'm not like you. You told me that you look at girls in tuition and maybe somewhere else but did I ever go around and describe such bodies ? No . Only celebrities . It hurt me that you could say that when you know I'm only falling head over heels for you . I don't take chances to go around kissing someone's butts when you're not looking okay ? I love you but now, I don't know, I'm sad... Really sad about what's going on right now ...

I'm going to cross oceans today morning after solat raya. I hope that you won't think of me, that way... It'll be easier for you to live your life the way you wanted to. I won't be there to be upset . I won't know anyways . You won't have to tell me . Plus, you need your friends more than me . That's how it should be ... Not me .

You know what's sad ?

I don't feel the love anymore ...

Sweeter than This & Nurul Aina Aidee

Assalamualaikum,

Woke up late today, as usual. Wished my DEAREST best friend, Nurul Aina Aidee a beautiful birthday. She's been a really sweet friend, sticking through all those rough times in life, She's probably the reason why I'm so patient throughout the whole way. Whenever I started cursing, she'll say something to make me realize that it isn't a good thing to swear and that it'll only make sins . Yeah, I've been a nice a girl because of her and reasons why i was always sticking to originality. I love her, MY SAYANG :) <3 muah muah, stay happy eventhough you're practically confuse with things right now . All i know is how much you love spending your day with your family so, i wish you a lovely raya and that you could escape all boundaries with peace . Happy birthday again !

Anyways, Yesterday me and Heuston :) had a really sweet time together on skype. No matter how virtual his look is online, he always have that perfect smile he'll give me when I smile. It's adorable, and I can't wait to see him soon. I'm waiting for the night when i can talk to him, probably after 9 I guess or so. His staying with his auntie for the meantime while waiting for his mother to come to Johor. I have a really curious mind of how his mother looks like. The way he describes it, makes it sound so wonderful that I eagerly wanting to meet her secretly . Hahaha Gah !

Till then .

Lonesome

Assalamualaikum,

Seems like today i didn't get to spend my day with him, checked my phone every minute thinking he would stop by to send me some words, but i know i shouldn't expect anything. I keep doing it. We did talk but it wasn't as long as i wanted it to be. He's busy having fun with his friends, i shouldn't get him too caught up with me all the time but it's been pretty lonely today . I should find someone to fill me in so it won't be lonesome but i don't know whom to spend my time with. I do have tons of friends but some things can't be change when they are busy running their own lives so i just roam the internet like a lifeless person. Felt like the old single me who had no one. I kinda did give myself a laugh for that. It's been a month and 2 weeks that i started having someone. How nostalgic but I'm happy, totally am . I swear . It's better than being alone, staying unhappy and stuck in yesterday's memory. He made changes that i needed .

Well, I hope he had a great day .

Sigh... I miss you ..

Uhh Hi !

Assalamualaikum,

I missed school today, I wasn't feeling that well anyways so I do have a good reason to take my day off from all the drama . Woke up at 9.05 am in the morning, thinking that i had slept for quite a long while when it was just a few hours after sahur . Started my day with twitter and a quick morning tweet to my prince. He usually is an early bird even though he sleeps like a bear but apparently, I woke up earlier than him today. We did have a small problem just now but it was fine after that. I couldn't possibly ignore him, not when he's all i ever think about in a day, everyday. He usually is a guy who knows his way back, No matter how stupid a matter is, even though it may be my fault, he would be the one with the "sorry's" . It's sweet when you think about it, I don't mind a thousand sorry's heard because i know he knows what i want him to know to not do it again and he didn't . I felt companied even though i was alone. He knew how i hated being alone thus he would do anything to talk to me, to make me reply his words and to let me know how much he loves me. I hope i make sense. Lol, #life

Tomorrow supposed to be a plan to iftar with our love ones but sadly, things happen and due to such circumstances, Azhar cancelled the plan. It's quite disappointing since it's almost the end of fasting and I haven't got a chance to iftar with my friends yet. I guess, that's that then. Oh and now I'm discussing with Haikal to iftar with the others, not sure if it'll work out but it'll do .

Ps. I don't actually want to blog today, I'm quite lazy but since my boyfriend ask me to so yeah, umm tadaa ! 

Till then :)

Storm

Having second thoughts is hard, when you fall in love but noticing how they were close to somebody and thinking if you were ever good enough, to understand what they've been through, to understand things that was impossible for us to even understand . I was in a dilemma . Life was never fair. We don't always get what we wanted and instead it explains to the opposite gift and it wasn't always so pleasant. I was jealous of them, of how they used to be so close to him before me, to had ever seen him everyday and unlike me, it was always virtual and for once, I was able to hold him in my arms and that was momentarily. Waiting was never a skill, it was torture but i was yet to given up reality. I noticed how i wasn't the only one missing him, it was the past all over again. I mean think about it, if you ever come back, who would you see first? Your friends or your lover? They say friends were much more important and i was that lover who always got left out in every status. I was practically nothing in the end.

Long distance is nice, you'll love, miss and want each other more but whatever plans you made would probably be jeopardize by friends. LIFE..... It was never easy . You only sacrifice more instead of getting sacrifices from others. I don't care what had gone in his past but i just hope that he realize that I'm a present, maybe the present of his future. It'll be sad if it doesn't workout, I don't even know if I was still in his mind. There could be others much better to think about and I'm just a second deal in a chapter. Love is about trust, and I do trust him but I doubt things that I'm not the only one revolving around him. I was left alone again, sided in the mind of a blank page and I don't even know where to go from here. I was always flowing, flowing to hope that things would grow better somehow . He kept me company at night/morning/day/evening and every second of my life and i just had to give him a ring but I didn't. I always waited for him to start the conversation first, Just to make sure he was thinking about me, just so i could know that i wasn't the only one feeling what he feels but if this goes on, it wouldn't be fair for him, just because he's a guy, he got to the job. I want to make him notice how much i've been thinking about him but I get insecure with what i have even though he already accepted every part of me like a husband. I don't know, I doubt myself i was ever good enough for him, reasons why people leave me for a memory.

I pray to Allah, There'll be away for me to get away from this terrible thoughts that has been running through my mind all day. Amin.

Conclusions

Assalamualaikum,

Raya is just around the corner and everyone is ready for their vacations but this year I'm not celebrating since my grandma is doing her UMRAH for 2 weeks. She just took off at 10+ am this morning and she got another 3 hours to land in Mecca :) and yesterday, I celebrated my Sister's 13th birthday. She didn't actually liked this year's cake since it wasn't as what she wanted even though it's Baskin Robin, THE Baskin Robin . Basically we actually knew what she wanted, an Oreo ice cream cake but there wasn't any and we ended up buying a vanilla ice cream cake with oreo on top on each corners. Sorry but we still wish you every happiness. 

Today, I ended up not talking to Afina for the whole day. I mean, she misunderstood things. I knew how sensitive she is and well, i kinda told her the point of not knowing things for the right reasons but well, she thought that me and Ainin didn't trust her. PLUS, it was Ainin who wanted to talk to me and it got nothing to do with me not wanting to tell her but she envied the thoughts of me knowing things she didn't. I wanted to tell her what but she put me away and I had to become the victim to this whole situation just because i was needed by somebody. All 3 of us are offended in a way but i had to be patient with every possibilities in life. It probably broke me to pieces that my own best friend took this waaaay too serious and I kinda got hurt. Didn't she notice that i was always the back up plan, she didn't always tell me things, she always searched for Ainin and when she is going through hard times and needed a smile, she didn't want me but she wanted her instead. She said she doesn't like me and love Ainin more than me but did i ever leave her? No, and I would never betray someone i care so much. She became a family to me, i didn't complain even though i was hurt by such words. She didn't notice that, No, i don't think so.

So hard i had to put up with her attitude towards me, I still cared for her and if she doesn't understand a thing, i would look at her and ask her "You faham tak?" when she got silent in class trying to solve a question. ALWAYS.

I don't want to argue, no matter how much she change, i still plan to stay. That's what true friends are for right? to be there for each other even when rough things get in our way? Yeah, I'll stay, and i just hope you realize that. No matter how hard it is for me, I'll be here when you need me, like how it should, like how it supposed to be . I'll just smile and I hope you understand that i'm not saying that you're troublesome, like a parent, they will be there for their child no matter how hard they look up to us .

Iftar

Assalamualaikum,

I'm going to have iftar/dinner at Klang Executive Club (KEC) today with a special guest, my grandmother :)

It's been awhile since i last seen her, that was umm..... last Raya ? Woah. But whatever it is, i admire her very much. She's one of the stylish grandmother i've had ever seen. She loves Red lipsticks and the way she wears her hijab amazes me to the max. Like literally, it's nice. She wore a pink jubah with a black hijab and a pink silk along it. Stylish yet religious. Someday, I would like to be her kind. Surely, I'm determined. Insyaallah, It'll happen the way it should be :)

Yesterday's iftar in school was a delight, ate nasi briyani (Not quite sure if it is) with ayam masak merah, Amira's satay, Aina's dadih, sausage karipap and Tepung Pelita (I think that's the name) Went from empty stomach to overload . Prayed with a smile on my face since i had tons of fun with my friends. Even though on that same day, I fought with my boyfriend, we made up with a clear mind. I'm happy .

Your Queen Alia ;)

Hahahaha Hey ! Happy Birthday !! :D

Wish you an ever lasting magical life in LIFE . Oh and hopefully you'll do well in your STPM exam (Is that right ? :O) We may not see each other much but you're never forgotten and I really miss you dearly :( since the end of the show Hunger Games at MBO . I hope you're doing well. and and, I remember that you wanted me to make you a post on my blog and I DID :) How could forget ? You mean a lot me even though we made so little memories together, You're awesome. You're such a Hogwarts friend ;)

May Allah bless you magically, Amin <3

Sincerely,
Sarah Adriana

Leaving Marks

  Sometimes i wish people could see that I'm not always fine. I have my mood, no one is happy forever even when they look like it. Life isn't always about understanding yourself, it's about taking a chances to understand part of others and I'm that person to do it. Reasons why i don't seem to always look fine since learning people's lifestyle is part of growing up and making right decisions. It may be an annoyance but when people advises you, You just got to accept the fact that it's what they've been through and even though it may not got anything to do with you, somehow, you just got to consider the options, life is a journey where you just got to take risk and do things beyond your wild imaginations right ?

I don't get why I felt a weight in my heart like something just wants me to know they're not fine. I cry often due to such emotions, those feelings that you're unsure why you should be .Funny how surprises could put you to a state where you'll smile so fondly but when there's a time you're alone, you know that there's the dark place where I'm right fit into . I tried convincing myself that I'm not alone, when I needed someone, I could just ring a bell on their phone, call them up, tell them how I feel, let them hear my cries at night but nowadays, I just kept it to myself. Being sad isn't the case but feeling so alone is. For years being hated by many and suddenly, I got friends who cares for me, thinks of me and couldn't live without me. It's surprisingly sweet but I was never used to it. Having friends around, I wasn't so sure about giving trust to them.I was failed by tons of humans before, they back stabbed each other like it's a joke and was never sure of how i would feel knowing the pain. All i heard was laughter flooding the classroom doors. That Primary moments when you just felt like forgetting but couldn't . I'm extremely traumatized.

  I remember i made promises with someone, I was sure to keep it, might break a few but replace them with something warm . I was always to let down, I couldn't hold any pain after every heartache. "I won't leave you" was a joke to me since then. Was I even sure that, that particular word means something to them or they just want me to feel good about myself, like i'm some kind of unicorn . I'm not unique, I'm just different. Maybe life just haunts me to sleep, maybe I was never used to reality even when I experienced so much but still felt every breaking moments of life.

I am not a superhero.

"You learn from mistakes."
 I heard it somewhere, maybe somewhere around the net and I made it a word of wisdom so i could go on perfectly and I am, I'm trying to be so but nobody's perfect since there'll be day when the moon loses it's shape and I lose myself. Therefore, I was never close to being fixed, I'm still broken to bits.

Buka Puasa

  Can't wait for tomorrow, to Iftar with my buds :) I've been looking forward for today since form 1 but i ended up getting sick every year . Sadly, i haven't got any luck to be there but tomorrow is the day and I'm all healthy and green. SO relieved. And I'm not sure what to wear. I mean, of course I would wear baju kurung but I'm not sure which one to wear. Heheheh, Let's hope everything will go right tomorrow. Insyaallah .

I also can't wait for the 8 hours conversation with Heuston on skype/viber. If my boy sleeps again, I'll totally would murder him -.- It's been.... um 6/7/8 times he fell asleep during our talks. Am I that boring ? Lol

That's all for today, Keep smiling :)

I shouldn't expect Anything

Assalamualaikum,

Today sucked so bad, hated the exam, hated why the government made such plans for the future when the plans are un-agreeable . Have they ever thought of asking US first? The students who's taking the History paper 3 ? NO, and like HECK they should . I mean we can't even answer history's questions properly and they plan to make another shitty paper? WHAT THE FUUUUUUU......! Okay, so whatever happens, I don't plan to curse much today .

My heart saddened again today, not sure why but i told him, I told him I felt like crying and i know i should have accept the offer of him staying by my side during my worse scenarios but he needed some rest, I don't want to look at my love one sick, tired and see me without a smile on my face. I may have cried like crazy to him before but that was way before we were together and now that we are, I don't want him to look at me frowning for all of a sudden. I told him i needed some space while he get some rest so instead of saying "take care" "I'm here if you need me, just give me a call" or something like that, he just ended the call on skype with a bye. I thought he'd understand but when i think again, I can't expect him to say things i want to hear from him but maybe if he acted like yesterday, said that he would, maybe I wouldn't have to be so sad now. Too vulnerable to not be treated right for once in awhile. Screw me, SCREW MY HEART . I'm just crying myself to sleep now, just another feeling of a time to forget things. Those best times when you wake up and not thinking about anything.... yeah, that feels better .

Grateful

  I'm glad that even though i didn't say anything about my day to my boyfriend, he seems to always lighten up my soul, ease my heart and let all those pains i have, go away. To tell you the truth, I never want to leave him, He's the best thing i could ever have. I don't want it to end. I wish he was here, I could hug him, tell him everything that I wanted to say to him, tell him how much he really means to me . Reasons why i held my phone 24/7 a day, everyday.

Bie, If you read this, Please know that I'm not fully recovered, I'm still mending my heart so i easily get hurt but I'm trying my best to be as bright as the sun and still shine like the moon for you, for us, for myself. I love you more than anything, everything. Please don't mention anything that will break us apart, don't leave me. Don't be like the rest and keep your pinky promises. Those are the littlest things that means so much to us .

"Let no soul stop you from shining, you're the moon, the sun and the stars in the sky"

Back to Page 1

Assalamualaikum,

Hmm, Not sure if we will talk again but i'm glad that we ain't in the same team. I would probably screw up and well, now it's an individual task, I'm not sure about taking it OR..... is it a compulsory task given.....? Okay Whuuuuuut? hahahaha, Whatever happens next, It's a surprise bound to happen without any expectation of mine . Surely, I mean look at us, We don't have anything to talk about, we can't look at each other and it's weird. It's just plain WEIRD. He doesn't even care about what had happen so I shouldn't too, that's what it is since 4 months ago. Moving on was all his idea and my plan is now to not repeat any of those past memories. It hurts to know how sweet memories have to fade. I never plan to continue such sweet things in someone who changed so badly. Yes, it's bad, he's not someone I used to know before. People change right? People change and I can't do anything about it but just see them fly away from my eyes and be something I don't remember seeing years ago. I'm living happily now, I'm smiling so fondly just like he wanted so I've done my part and i take back everything i said, I'm so not ready to talk to him. How natural i could be in front him, I could not lie to my heart. It's torture. I've been where I am before but it sucks so bad because You're

you know what. I think I'll end the post here and forget that any of these happened .

Aina Firzana

Happy Birthday Aina!! :D

I know we barely talk but when we do, we usually have a lot of things/activities to say and plan together . You've been a lovely friend, BEST friend apparently and whatever happens, i hope we won't forget each other. Knowing you is bittersweet but I'm fine through all the stuff that has happen in my life. You gave me words of advice, told me that moving on was never easy and that someday I could do things again with a smile on my face. Have a nice day and celebrate well :) "There's always a way through all the storms" -words of wisdom-

Keep smiling !!

Sincerely,
Sarah Adriana

Awkward Moment

Assalamualaikum,

Guess what? I finally, i mean, FINALLY talked to him. Well, it wasn't as easy as i thought, we were laughing for a reason we ain't sure about but we barely looked at each other in the eye. My hands were shivering, my heart was beating like mad, LIKE who wouldn't be feeling the same way as I do? A person who used to be my everything is in front of me and some shits happen that we never talked for 4 months and suddenly, I'm talking to him again. So how am I suppose to react to that? Awkward of course but i got to tell him what i had to tell him. Maybe this conversation will last till this art thing is over? It's a competition and my arts teacher want me and him to be in a group. I wonder what's her idea of putting us in the same team while others are like 1 person only. Funny but i guess, it's the only way to get things done ASAP. Insyaallah, we'll win, I'm still figuring out the things to put in the picture. I'm pretty sure, it would be messy if everything is in the same canvas so i need to neatly arrange it. I might be sketching 2 papers of the ideas ? Hmm yeah, Let's do this thing!

1 Monthsary

Baby ! My Prince ! Sweetheart !

HAPPY 1 MONTHSARY !! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY !

It's been a month now and well, i felt like it's been more than that. I'm surprised and I know how we fought so much from now and then(since the first time we talked to each other pun, LOL) but but, I'm glad that every time we do, we know how to get back with each other. No running away and just spaces so we'll have time to rethink things . I LOVE you, You're like so adorable and mean at the same time. Reminds me of how my best friend, Afina treats me. Innocent yet evil hahah. Oh and and, I wish we'll stay for like..... ever ? with each other, maybe until umm, marriage ? Wow, okay, i thought that far but maybe i see future in us. I'm not sure, only god knows what, Insyaallah, It's something good .

Okay okay, know what? If you ever come to surprise me with your presence in front of my school, I swear to god, I'll never let you go. I'll hug you so tight that I'll just, I'll just cry tears of joy? Hmm yeah :3 hehehe, Whatever happens next, it's an adventure worth walking on. I never had a reason to leave you and i hope you do too, the way i see it, I trust you and i really hope you won't break that trust of mine because I know that you're not the kind to lie .

And bie, i know i've been a bad girlfriend, whining a lot and all and so, I'm sorry with the bottom of my heart, I'm truly am and I really, really appreciate those guts you have, putting up with all of my bullshits and still try, to make me smile. It's what i like the most about you. You just, you just try to fix things no matter how hard i pushed you away, you just know what to say, know how to flutter my heart and make me fall for you over and over again . You're the greatest, even when we just know each other for umm like... 2 months ? We just, CLICKED . Not sure how it happened but well, whatever it is, I love how we made the reach to get to 1 month.

I miss your hugs, those arms you used to wrap around me when we first met in Subang Parade, how fast you got to know my weakness with just a mere breath at my weakspot, when i pushed you away because I was so embarrass and how we continued to hug again because it'll be a long time till we meet again . I'll never forget . Not those moments . NEVER .

Only the clouds could rain so much when the sea took it's breath away to the sky .

Yours Truly,
Sarah Adriana

Reasonable Enough ?

Assalamualaikum,

Things went haywired yesterday but but, I'm so fine now. Seems like he off-ed his phone because it was out of battery. We literally HAD a small fight. Nothing serious really, just me crying because i was SO worried and I practically called him stupid tons of time. Bahahaha, okay.

I love how that he's back, we're back to what we always are, full of smiles and laughter :)

Are You Out There ?

It sucks missing you and not listening from you for a day.
I wanna hear your voice, see your sweet text on my phone like you used to but now, it seems something came up and i couldn't get the chance to know that you're even on the other side .
I just wanna know if you're fine, SO FINE that i could do anything to you when i see you.
It's killing me inside to know that you haven't replied me, haven't said a WORD after 4.28am .
Where are you? Where's my prince? That guy who always makes sparks fly?
Where's my good morning text and my gazillion kisses from you ? Where the HECK are you bie ??!!!
I feel like something's wrong, that something is not right at your place...
I'm so worried that i didn't pay much attention in class, i didn't sleep at all in class today even when i want to, I kept daydreaming and thinking about you, all the way bie, all the freaking way .
My hands are numb when i wrote this in a paper. I typed it back in here so you could read it too, maybe i should send it everywhere in the world to let you know how much I've been wanting to hear from you... It can't go on this way. My friends kept telling me to think positive but those positive thoughts ain't like you. I know you well enough . Were you out of credits? Did you met a fight with your granpa? Is your phone been taken away by him? Did you ran away? All this question in my head. They're leaving me silent for a long time that i just need to know if you're there. I might cry about this. I miss you :'(

Please, anyone, ANYONE, Tell me where he is... If anyone saw him in school ? ... Just that and i'm fine . PLEASE...

First Day

Where it Begins

Assalamualaikum,

Hello again. Apparently, today is the day before the FASTING starts. Aren't we excited? Well, I don't. Not when i'm craving for foods all the time. Since it's a respectful time we care to join the hunger in their everyday lifestyle. Possibly, since all we do is eat and we have not realize the people who doesn't get to eat and do what we do in our daily routine. What I'm excited about it getting to celebrate RAYA and do more good DEEDS. I've been a bad girl, VERY BAD, and i'm sure I'm not the only one bad around here. (you don't say)

Anyways, Happy Fasting everyone ! <3

After Story

There are no stories to tell when every stories ends with tears .

Sigh...

Assalamualaikum,

Today seems to be such a sad sad night for me. Apparently my boyfriend talked to this girl, umm yeah, and he asked her to accompany him and i notice that even though i was practically LONELY the whole day without him, i didn't ask for anybody's comfort. I just needed to know if he's there for me and all while, i was doing the same but he started whining to his friends about it. So the deal ended up a fail because he dm-ed me and called me. I did plan to answer but i couldn't because it was at a wrong time. Wanted to call back but i couldn't so after i did my arts thingy, i what's app him and well.... he didn't answer. I was really really, i mean REALLY, upset. I couldn't find any words to say. I did get quite sad when he asked a girl to accompany him but that doesn't mean i pushed him away for a reason i needed some space, it's because i was BUSY . I wanted to surprise him, i DID cancelled but i didn't literally mean it because i desperately needing to talk to him but he wasn't there. I wish he'd understand. Maybe i'm such an A** for not being there for you when you needed to but i just.... I just can't talk to you. Not with my mum 24/7 around me, looking at what i'm doing .

I wish, tonight is filled with your sweet kisses coz today will be the last night without my sister bothering me. I miss you, i need you, I..... I love you bie. So much . I'm sorry, so sorry .

Instead...

Assalamualaikum and Hello again !

So have you read my previous post? that long long ago post about "My Peterpan" Well, instead of becoming my Peterpan, he became my prince, my SWEET SWEET PRINCE and i can't deny how much i fell for him each day. We've started going out (not literally out) since 2nd of July this year, and I was in a fireworks moment. I didn't actually expect him to do as what I wanted to.... BUT he did, he knelt to the ground with his formal shirt and ask me to be HIS . Do you know how happy i was? I was SO happy that my heart leaped. He was the first to do that and he was almost the first for the things i always wanted in life instead of those cuddly things normal couple people do when they meet . I really hope things will go well this time.

I'm really grateful about his existence, after my bad, sad memories with my ex, He came to my rescue and gradually erase those feelings. He became someone really important to me that whenever his not around to call me or text me, my mind was so blurr that i started missing him like crazy . It's also nice that i'm not the only one feeling this way. Even when we're not talking, due to the deals we made which i can't tell you what, he can still put a smile on my face. It was sweet of him, i can't remember the last time a guy did this for me. He might be the first. I'm sure, no one ever did this for me at a time when i was lonely. I love him. I don't care how imperfect he is, he just takes my breath away . I just don't want things to change, HIM to change. I mean, someone important to me CHANGED before and it was never good, never ever was at all and to have seen him change too.... That's upsetting.

But i trust him, whatever is to happen, i trust him. I know he won't do things to hurt me. I hope he won't . Whatever it is, I'm happy now. I waited for a miracle to happen and i finally found my pixie dust . It changed everything. Keep smiling . Just do because you'll never know what is bound to happen .

My Peterpan ?

Assalamualaikum,

Sorry for not blogging for a long time. Was lazy to type and so on. Gosh, forgive me. Anyways, the guy who always seemed to keep me company everyday asked me to wait for him as he wanted to be my Peterpan . I'm pretty much happy but yet unsure . Life is weird huh? Sticking to decisions. I like/love him, but why does my heart keep saying, don't do this..... I don't want to rush anything. Let's just hope for the best, i'm eager to know what awaits for me in the future . Sigh.... Keep smiling :-)

Late night calls

It's nice to get calls from someone again . Keeping me company at night to sleep . I like it and the thought of it is enough to make me fall asleep in an instant . Heuston was that guy . I'm not saying I like him or all that kind . I mean, he's a really good friend eventhough I just met him 3 days ago and started calling me mean names but he was overall nice to me . We planned to meet each other this Saturday at the wheels . Would love to see him for the first time and get that hug of his and go awkward since we barely know each other . We even Promise to Skype each other when he's in JB . I find it funny but sweet .

Finally have that late night calls. If this ends then, it's lonely nights again for me . Can't change facts but it'll be a lovely thing if it continues . Somehow, I feel like he's someone I need to remember in the future . I just sense that but I don't know, anything can happen . Lol Keep smiling :-)

It's alright not to be alright

Assalamualaikum,

Today i got see my old friend, SABRINA ! She's not old, but i mean, we've been friends for 10 years now. How sweet is that to still keep in contact. God knows how much i love being around her. She's the first one to introduce me to games online that is, Runescape and O2 Jam. I miss these games but we didn't actually played them when i went to her house. But still it was a moment of remembrance .

Actually, i wanted to talk about something else but i never seemed to find a way to talk about it. Maybe i wasn't really sure if it's a good idea to share my feelings publicly . Especially when there are people who reads my post. I guess, someday i get to settle this on my own.

Till then .

I'll be Alright

Assalamualaikum,

Yesteraday my dad popped out a topic about my best friends. Instead asking about Afina, he asked about Adz... yeah you get it. Apparently my dad doesnt know what's going on between us . He was like "What happen between you two? Dah lama tak dengar" I don't actually want to brag about him anymore. I used to brag a lot about him to my parents so they would like him and they actually did and when they knew i wasn't talking to him anymore, both of them grew silent and quickly change the topic. I'm sorry if my parents awaits news from him. all i did say to my parents was that "He found someone new to keep him company and that I was nothing more to him anymore" They understood and ask who's my new BEST Guy Friend now. Currently not stated because i wasn't sure if i need one but Azhar was becoming of a company when i need him.

Also at night i made friends with Heuston . He's a JB's kid. Yesterday we really had a conversation even though there was a moment of awkwardness but i don't mind. I made friends :-) We Viber for 2 hours and we were so darn sleepy but i thank him for no lonely nights today. I miss having phone calls at night. It keeps me company . I guess that's all for now. Bye then :-)

Just Another Memory to Picture

Assalamualaikum,

sorry for not updating anything lately. Was out of clue of what to write in here. Anyways, I went out with my friends today and we apparently had a blast time, i guess hahahaha. We didn't do much and this two best friends doesn't seem to be talking to each other much. Gosh, hahaha. Oh and i was fangirling about my prince all day to Azhar and messed with his phone and all. Apparently, Aiman and him are like TWINS. Notice this Azhar and Azahar thing, same voice, same face, I'm surprised and well, such a beezewooze about it. Wooo, hahaha.

Sorry for messing with the gay thing Aiman and Azhar as victim. Was bored while waiting for my mum. Hahahaha, Even so, it's been awhile since i write anything to Aiman. Like literally, a LOOOONG time .But we did WA yesterday about today's outing and it seems he already made plans with his friends. I'm sure, his outing is better than mine. Haikal made lame jokes that seems to be really ~~~~ hahahaha,

Whatever it is, today was a nice day. Alhamdulillah and enjoy your holidays. Goodnight ! <3

A friend like you

Assalamualaikum,

It's already late but I'm still so "rajin" to have still been blogging at this kind of time . So yeah, the title said it all. Syed has been there for me for I don't know how many times but clearly, it's a lot. He asked me to change my profile status on twitter, the "not to mention I love him" to unavailable. He wanted me to meet someone new and well, as you can see, I'm such a stubborn little baby, I didn't do as he say and changed a bit of my prof to not sound like I'm taken .

I don't actually want to meet new people, not just yet. Maybe because I'm not ready to see JUST anyone . Problem is that I'm not wanting to know someone new . I had enough rejecting people so I sounded like I'm taken when I'm not, just so I could avoid coupling . Good idea? I don't know. I mean I miss being loved and cared and all. Those night calls, those everyday love words, I actually wanted it back so badly that I don't want to look and desperately have it with anyone . I'm not desperate, no no, I don't search for boys, I don't want to and I have no intention to do so. It's dumb and a waste of time . Like they say "the best come to the ones who wait" and "let them come to you" wisdom words. Lovely :-) so that's it. Till then .

Economy

Assalamualaikum,

Today I totally screwed my economy exam. I actually read the whole chapter but I think I was lack of exercises. Whatever it is, if I failed, my mum would kill me . Sadly, that's my life . Tomorrow is add Maths and I'm not ready for logarithms . Wait, I mean everything :-( oh god, I'm so scared . I'll be panicking for a pass this time because I'm not sure if I can even do this .

Crushes

Assalamualaikum,

All hale the awesomeness. Hahaha, so i just realized that i'm silently falling for puppy and i don't know why. Yes, especially when we don't talk at all anymore. God, I'm so weird. This is happening to me all over again. I guess since my heart is single, it doesn't mind falling for guys easily, i mean literally, if i have a boyfriend, i just can't think of anyone else but him ya know? But now, yeah, since im in this status, i guess it's fine :-)

Hi Puppy, I got a crush on you but but, i don't want you so just let me love and adore you from a distance <3 Goodnight. I hope you'll have a dream that connects to mine ! #asif #iwish hahaha !

Dreaming of the past

Assalamualaikum,

Just woke up 50 mins ago and I'm still lying down on my bed . Practically because I straight away on my twitter and tweet stuff so I got lazy to stand . Anyways, I'm day dreaming right now . Thinking of a happy adventure with people I love and care so much . Neither less, it's a something I would like to have one day in this world I live in .

Yesterday I had a dream, a really sweet dream. I got to meet my ex and Instead of seeing him real life, at least in dreams I wouldn't have to feel anything . He appeared in my dream when I was at home . I didn't actually made the dreaming story, but I know how it goes . Even in dreams, we didn't have any connection anymore but he said something to me that made me feel good about myself and about himself too . I don't want to tell you guys what he actually said to me because the words were to precious to had been heard by someone else but I said something too, to him. It's the words I've been wanting to say for a very long time but i forgot what sadly.

Well what I can conclude that, he wasn't happy about his life much, he seems to love what he does but not what he's going through . He told me that in my dream. I'm not sure if it goes the same in real life but all I know is I prefer dreaming than reality. Right now, it seems like I only get to talk to him through dreams because I don't plan on talking to him in this world . Things had been so cruel to even think about it. Whatever he does, I hope it is what he wanted because he decided it on himself . Insyaallah, both of us live somewhere beyond our wildest imagination, happy.

Till then

Silk Feelings

Assalamualaikum,

It's Friday already and lol, I'm practically tweeting in school right now . Since I'm bored and well... ALONE, I rather spend my time doing this than walking around school like a dummy . Not saying people who walks alone are dummy. I'm just saying that it's not fun walking alone #justsayin . So overall, the exam wasn't that hard. Alhamdulillah, I got to answer them without any brain cracking . Though English 1 was .

Anyways, had a walk with syed today in school. Talking to him usually ease me because I could basically tell him everything and anything I want/need to without actually controlling my way of talking or rather what I talk about. I took his advice on something to make me keep smiling . I don't usually am a happy person but when I am, it's just beautiful. So yeah, thanks again for being there for me when I really need someone . I still hope he doesn't mind me whining because I whine a lot, used to . Seldom nowadays because I'm a free child now. Not from my parents but more to high school shits (pardon me)

Saw Puppy again today. STILL no progress . Sigh.... Thought of talking to him ended up not talking at all. Oh and gladly, yesterday had a little talk about studies with Nik. Not something I should brag about but it's been awhile since we last talk. Happy that he's doing fine :-)

Now.... I don't know what to blog about. I'm just talking about my days yet I still don't have the words. Nevermind that. Salam Jumaat and have a nice day ♥

Puppy

Assalamualaikum,

Just got a name for him, it's called PUPPY. Some cover up eh? hahaha xD all thanks to Amira's idea to call him that even though he looks like a cat. Whatever it is, he's always adorable. I wonder when will we ever come into contact again. Hmm... :-( really miss him. It was so much fun when we were both close. It was the beautiful days we had before it's gone. Well, one day, ONE FINE DAY, we will be able to do so again.

You're my kind of happy

Assalamualaikum,

Something happy turned out today in school. It's not that big of a deal but, I got to walk beside my long lost best friend jn. We didn't talk, no exchanged glances but god knows how much I miss walking beside him . He's growing tall, he looks healthy, happy too and gosh, I just..... Huh.... I would love to talk to him again. Maybe just a little cit chat like "how are you?" but it could be awkward. I'm still happy though. Not to mention glad that he turned out to be there when I wasn't looking.

Anyways, thanks Izaaz for the chocolate. I know I've won and it's like a prize to you but for me, it's a gift. Thank you so much. ♥ you never failed to be a friend in need and yes, I miss you. It's been awhile since we last talk. Well, I hope we get to hang out some more since we are best friends :'-) hahahah, okay. No touchy moments, thanks again Izaaz ! thanks ^^

Till then !

Rocketship

Assalamualaikum,

And welcome back for more blogging . I'm not quite sure about who's reading this . Not sure what's even interesting about my post but whatever it is, thanks for reading :-)

So yeah, i'm happy. I don't know why but I am. I'm feeling better and better everyday. They told me what I should do and I actually followed it . I learned to not care so much. I'm such a worrywart and god knows how my curiosity feels me in great doubt. No matter, because I'm fine now, I'm living happily. Hehehe :-D happy girl is happy. Look on the bright side, I don't need to be worried about heartaches anymore .

Furthermore, seems like my whole 2 years in high school starting this year as a single :-) it's not bad, it's awesome . I wouldn't have to worry about my mum checking up my phone . Not until I'm in college or so. Possibilities of finding a future husband in that time . Finding someone when you're working is a tough matter plus, I'm not really that sociable with people. Not with strangers though.

I've settled my plan for the future. Seems like finding someone from high school won't come true afterall, but that doesn't mean it can't happen, maybe because I dont need anyone at this time and age. Tawakal and pray for a good future. That's what I need to do because in that way, god will listen to my prayers and knows what's best for my life. Insyaallah, I'll be smiling till then :'-) Amin .

Best friends

Assalamualaikum,

So today's post will show how I miss my long lost best friend which I actually hurt before and god knows how much i crave for a normal conversation With him again.

Dear you, I know I was a jerk, I know how dumb I am to ask you out before . We both had been good friends until that day i gave you my last hug. I remember why I gave it you, what I said before we bid farewell, how you're so confused when i said "for luck" and how I didn't properly said I still need you. Because of that, everyday had been so cruel. You were still smiling after we parted and we haven't talked since except "hi" . We used to MSN a lot, I missed that. I missed everything about you. If only you knew how I always had a thought of you whenever you passed by, you'd know how I feel. You're smiles is why I'm still holding on to myself. Best friends never last but I beg to differ. I ruined a relationship and now, i wish to fix the attachments we once had. I never meant to hurt you, I had always loved you but I wonder why it wasn't more than that. I wonder why you weren't someone I want so badly. Maybe because "love was blind" to me but god knows how much i miss you. Really. I swear. I hope you knew. I hope we could be like old times. You're like a little brother to me . I miss you smiling for me . I miss how we joke around and your shy questions. I miss that. I miss that moment .

Happy Mother's Day !

Assalamualaikum,

I would like to wish my beautiful mum a day of appreciation as her child a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY :-) thanks for everything you've done for me, even when I'm such a rebel and often have fights with you but you will always be my mum thus, I never had the urge to hate you but only to love and care you more .

This year is another year we're celebrating a token of graditute as being a child. You had always brought the best of me even when I'm at my worse. We fought like crazy this year and made you cry like mad because of my offensive words that I know you've done wrong but know that you weren't at fault because you're doing your job as a mum. I love you and your actions are well played to your stage. I respect you even so. What can I do without you ? :'-) live well and happy. I'm always here for you till the end

Sincerely, your daughter, Sarah Adriana ♥

Blogger for iPhone

Assalamualaikum,

I just downloaded the blogger app for my phone and well, this could be easy to update if I'm lazy to actually get on my computer . Today's test that are BM and BI were... fine, I just don't have enough time to re check anything. That's the thing I'm worried about. I don't know how I would score this mid term, it seems that without my watch, I just can manage time, RIGHT. Like wise, time is precious ~

To not waste any of yours, keep studying heart and keep smiling :-)

Sigh...

I finally heard the truth from Syed, it was only just a game. His friends were toying me using him even though he was nice enough to actually wanting to tell me. I don't blame him for doing so. It's not like i literally want him to be my boyfriend. I did say that before :-) So I'm glad Syed told me sooner before i actually fell in love with him. Agh... hahaha . I'm grateful ^^ and gladly i'll say, NO HEARTBREAKS occur . Alhamdulillah. So yeah, Syed told me to stop liking him so i should because i mean, his words is whom i can only trust right now. He never betrayed me before so he's a HERO. Thanks for everything and also to Hazie for finding this out :')

Kinda

Assalamualaikum,

Tomorrow's exam !! okay, not trying to pressure any of you guys. Goodluck By the way :-) may the knowledge be ever in your favor. Not to mention study Heart and Smart.

So mostly you guys don't understand why i say Heart instead of Hard. WELL, i created this word so that people would learn to study from the heart instead of forcefully needing to do so and that what you read will go into your brain and function well for exam :-) Understand? Good ^^

Just now in school, i barely seen him the whole day. I kinda miss him but I'm glad at the end of the day i got to see him clearly when school was over. He was RIGHT behind me. Lol, still no hello but who cares right? at least i got to see him smile. ^^ <3

Happy girl is happy :-)

Meaningless Post

Twinkle twinkle little stars, how i wonder what you are
Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle twinkle little stars, how i wonder what you are :-)

If the world when speechless, I don't mind still believing in fairytales, i don't mind wanting to be happy and i don't mind following my heart, telling me to keep on wishing and hoping for a dream come true. I'm fine, even when i can't feel belong in someone's heart, treating me like i'm right, like i'm one of a kind and not someone's usable toy. I'm fine, I always do.. I just want my dreams to come true. I just want you.

Hopefully

Assalamualaikum,

Another day to talk about. Finally, I mean, FINALLY, i passed his class. It's a success :-) his friends was really excited when i first walk up the stairs. He was like "Haikal kat kelas" then he looks left and right and run to his classroom shouting "HAAAAAAAAAIKAAAAAAAAAL!!!" hahahaha, it was uber funny but what's not funny is that Syed said something that put my hopes down. I understand that it won't but i just wish it will (Ignore this phrase) Right now, i'm just hoping for the best and well, pray that it won't fade. Amin ^^

So hey there crush, If all fails, you're still an admirable person. Wish you well in the mere future. Life is beautiful if we open our hearts to realize that the journey is never that far. Keep smiling :-)

In Love ?

Assalamualaikum,

Guess what? I just sent him the letter, of course not directly gave it to him, i sent my friend to do so because well, i'm too shy. Especially when his friends actually read it.  I'm so embarrass, oh god.  hahaha , fingers crossed, i hope he replies it back. :-) because alhamdulillah that he actually smiled really really widely for it. It made my heart pound when someone smiled that beautifully for one little thing i did even from a far. Yes, I'm saying he has the most beautiful smile that i ever seen. I'm mindblowned. Just Wow-ed. Am i in love or something because i can't put him away from my mind? That feeling of falling in love is just, amazing. I miss this and i'm so grateful for this feeling to actually come back to me after months of suffering. Ya Allah, hahah so happy.

Bersyukur lah Sarah, finally someone is finally giving me that beautiful butterflies in my belly and non-stop heartbeats again. Happy girl is happy. I hope that this is Allah's way of saying i still have hope to smile even when i lose a dime in my hand, a new dime is made to make me shine brightly again because when the moon fades, it will always go back to its original form one day. Alhamdulillah. That's all for now. :-) Keep smiling ! xoxoxo

Oh dear .

Assalamualaikum,

Basically, I just blocked a friend of mine... AGAIN. This time is because an obsessive feeling from someone I'm less interested with. Not saying i dislike him, i mean he's a friend of mine and i don't have that feeling towards him but he, he just don't get it and it gets annoying because he keeps saying "I like you" "I miss you" and all. Syed told me to just block him and i did but i feel bad though. I'm not a blocker and i would eventually unblock him someday. Gaaah ! I'm not a fan of cruel things. Nope, not a fan .

Anyways, I'm sorry if i did that to you, I'm doing this because i want you to stop liking me. It's been 2 years and you got to stop feeling that way and being so desperate to actually have a girlfriend. You'll have your time, not now but I'm sure someone would want you in the future. I'm sure but no, it's not me. So please understand.

Amilia Rahamad

Heyya Classmate :) HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY !!!! 

I know we barely talk in class but you have the prettiest smiles I've ever seen and you always seem to glow :) Not sure how i could explain that but surely, you'd understand what it means ^^ Be happy always, May god bless you with things in need in your life. Study Heart and Smart. Cheerios Beautiful ! :D

Living On My Own

I practically think that maybe i'm forcing myself to do things that it can barely do again. I'm upset about it. I cried myself to sleep in the afternoon just now. Funny how i was actually talking to my bolster, releasing everything i feel with it. I hugged it, used it to wipe my tears and the ears to all of my problems. I'm sorry dear Bolster, you've been with me for 15 years and to confess everything i feel with you, I feel good :') I love you <3

I'm starting to get lonely again. I can't keep feeling this way. I tried to find new things to actually keep myself company but, i just feel that, I'm overdoing stuff . My heart needs a rest, my brain needs a time out and my life just needs a little peace of heaven . I remember why i used to be so alone again, it was because it was night, everyone is asleep and half dead and I'm up with Insomnia . I really wish someone would actually tell me, I'm not alone and they'll be there for me till i fell asleep but that's never gonna happen. Not when everybody are busy with their own life. Like what she said "The world doesn't revolve around you alone" . Sadly, it's true . 

Someday, I wish a human appears to come to my savior . 

Notice Me

Assalamualaikum :)

This pretty much explains everything i feel right now . ^^

Notice me <-- Listen here :)

Lyrics

VERSE: I try to find the words when you walk by (walk by) Words just can't explain the way I feel (I feel) inside My friends keep sayin you're untouchable And I can't help feeling invisible CHORUS: I'd do anything to catch your eye So you could see me in a different light Tell me what's it gonna take cause I wish you would notice me If you could only give me just one chance I could be the one and here I am What's it gonna take to understand Wish you would notice me Notice, notice, notice me Notice, notice, notice me VERSE: You've got a light that never seems to fade I'm drawn to you and I can't look away We come from different places, girl I know, mmmm But two worlds collided could be beautiful CHORUS: I'd do anything to catch your eye So you could see me in a different light Tell me what's it gonna take cause I wish you would notice me If you could only give me just one chance I could be the one and here I am What's it gonna take to understand -cut off here- BRIDGE: I wonder if you know how amazing you are You leave me breathless You didn't even try but you've stolen my and I don't want it back I don't want it back CHORUS: I'd do anything to catch your eye So you could see me in a different light Tell me what's it gonna take cause I wish you would notice me If you could only give me just one chance

Confession

Assalamualaikum,

Hello Readers. The title says that i actually had an emotional talk to one of my friend. I told her what i've been feeling and she's the only one who knew what i wanted but she doesn't basically knows everything though. I mean, messing up in life is just a study to me, the real exam is the breakthrough . I'm taking this as something I'm going to learn instead of something that i should be sad about .It's dumb if you take it that way. I'm not that lifeless to actually put sadness in life. Not anymore. Been there, done that. It was a picture that hurts me the most and i'm not going to look back this time . It's when people, will no longer have the chance to actually turn back time anymore . I'm 95% over the past and now awaiting for the 5% to actually GO. I pray for a good future and the Al-Mighty to do me good in life. What i am now, is what i should correct. A bit pun a bit la, as long as i'm happy and faith is in my hand. I hope this way, I'm no longer thinking of what's gone. Amin.

Cheerio ! ~

Katrina Iman

HAPPY SWEET16 BIRTHDAY :D


Hello there :) Hope you're reading this. We might not have hung out, talk that much or actually bump to each other purposely to actually look and say Hello but but, You're existence is much appreciated :) You're growing prettier each day, I'm sure you're boyfriend would agree with me. Whatever you do, never forget the place you once belong because what you do, you got to do it good. Lots of Love <3 Keep Smiling, never lose them, Know that your teeth is beautiful and so does your personality ^^ Sincerely Sarah :)

I've been meaning to Say

Assalamualaikum,

Today is just another regular failure in school. I didn't get to say hi to him nor see him the WHOLE day, except the part when i got in from school. Not sure what to do but my heart beat really fast whenever he's near me. I could barely breathe. It's stupid since, it's not like we have any connection but god knows how nervous i am around him .

So tomorrow i need to pass up my art project. I don't want to drop my arts even when i DO have the most Ignorant teacher for that. I mean dude, I tried to draw, what makes you think it looks like a freaking worm. I never did something that awful before. If you were to judge my drawing, let me see yours. It's not like it's a perfectionist . Phft ! Arts teacher. High Expectation. I'm not a professional artist, try to be at least easy on us students -.-

I'll post more when i have something to say. Till then :)

1 May

Assalamualaikum May, People :)

It's 1st May. Probably a new start for me to try and actually say hello to him. I mean rather than not do anything, that's just.... stupid . Phft. Like Syed said "Wimp" . I'm really shy, embarrass actually, around him. Can't do anything in focus when he's on my mind 24/7 . Gosh. I really like him but, i just, i don't know. I don't feel like having him as my boyfriend. Maybe because I'm not ready to have one immediately. I need to gradually get over what has been haunting me and just, look forward. I've moved 80% from my past and god knows how hard am i trying to remove the other 20%. Most of all, i should get to know him better, go out with him a few times to know that he would be the right guy but i'm sure, RIGHT isn't always there because there's always the WRONG guy. Come on, almost everyone agrees with that. Thought he was right and then you found out he's wrong . Phft, life . So enjoy your  month, study heart and smart for exams and well, keep smiling :)

An Adventure

Assalamualaikum,

I just got back from Johor in about 6++ pm just now and i'm incredibly happy because, it was a nice vacation before my exam that is in 2 weeks time. I know i shouldn't be roaming the internet but i swear, I'm just dead bored right now. I have this insomnia thing going on in the moment. SO I went to Singapore and went to UNIVERSAL STUDIO :D . Tell me about it. It's better than Australia's Movie world. so much stuff in Singapore you want to go some more hahah. Small country with big things is nice :)

I rode the HUMAN that is a SCARY SHIT ride. I mean, the speed is unpredictable. I've been pushing my safety gear to the front whenever it goes to the steep rails. Didn't get the chance to ride the others since we were in a rush trying to catch up with the theme park( i was scared actually....), also because we got a dinner gathering with my cousins/family in Singapore. It's been 2/3 years . How i miss them :'( and god, they are all grown up. Well i don't expect them to be that mature. I mean look at me, i don't look like i'm even growing up.

Met my lovely Grandma, Aunty Helen, Uncle Franky, Uncle Dustin, Kingsley, Ryan, Jeremy and Mei Mei (I'm not sure with the spelling though. Didn't actually ask her to spell her name for me lol) It was a day to remember .Whatever it is, i know i missed carnival today but spending time, bonding with family is quite an adventure so i guess, i'll end it here.

Ps. Didn't get to see my other uncle that is Uncle Sunny. He was busy with the model photography that he didnt have time :( well, i hope someday we would meet again soon.

Goodnight ^^

A Night with You pt.2

Assalamualaikum :)

It's 1am here. I should really be in bed but im here just to talk a bit about what i'm feeling right now. I'm a mess. At times i was happy and there'll be the downs that i very much dislike . Bipolar? -Yea, a name i prefer being called for. Not sure if what i'm doing right now is right for me . I'm only following where life takes me. Never did i agree doing what i do now. I'm only here because i have to, because i have the chance to make things right again. It's not like i want what i did . Not like moving in a direction to hate anybody, dishonor everybody . I still need the courage to do something for myself. Only i know. Only i do. My heart is lock after what had happen before. To had trust people was the last thing i want to do. Nothing seems to go my way but I'm happy, i have a nice life now. What i'm saying is, instead of focusing on someone, i'm only focusing on myself but it gets pretty lonely around here. I usually get those texts like those couples used to say when they are mad for each other and right now, i'm doing that to my girlfriends, not in a lesbian way but it's how we girls roll. It's not the same with my friends. Seriously. Now no messages, no nothing. Just, nothing . I miss that feeling when i do that with that someone. Desperate? -I won't call it that way. I'm just practically feeling empty. Love used to be my EVERYTHING and now, it's just something i crave for.

I'm not putting love as a priority but i'm just stating the point of my loneliness. I'm still fine to the extend of what you think and see of me everyday. I'm totally fine. Goodnight then :) Bye and Sweet Dreams

Experienced Pt.1

So a lot of people had been in this kind of relationships. Break ups, misunderstandings and etc etc . Well I've been there too and here are some pointers i could give you. It's based on what i think is right  and not compulsory for you to follow but it could help you in someway or another.

          1.Break ups (They just don't understand)

Well, i know break ups are the worse kind of pain you will have in years and days to come. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes, we just have to overcome that feelings and move on. There's a reason why an ex is an EX instead of an ex back to an ITEM again. You see, ex never always understand what you require in life and ended up leaving you and some ex's just want to live a new life with someone else. Don't blame them for not being the best for you or them to leave. They gave up on us and to begin with, we should have known things like this would happen to us some day. It's good that you trusted them and it's sweet of you to have still waiting but, it's no use doing so if they never appreciate you in the first place. As much as we want to, things just don't go our way. For me, Ex means Exist. They exist in our life because it was destined and they leave because it's a story that we're supposed to go through in a way we do not realize. They don't actually want this to happen and some would go all "I regret" in everything. It's bad to be so ashamed of ourselves to not had realized it but it's a lesson and the only thing we can do now is, START OVER and do your part and get it right . Screw past, we're in present. Learn from it. Nothing always go the way we wanted so instead of looking back, just walk ahead and flow around it. 

Ps. If you still plan on waiting then i suggest you best brace yourself to things that might surpass you. I'm afraid instead of holding on, you'll hate yourself and break down for attention of someone we might not want attention from. Annoyments i mean .

          2.Friendship (I trusted them)

Friendship is a golden ticket to me. I say so because they are what we need and are important. Gold is treasure and they are the treasure to our loneliness. Without it, what are we to come? Based on my view, people value friendship more than love because they could trust them and i bet, everyone got their heart broken by friendship because of broken trust. Some people just can't get enough of giving too much trust in someone they are close with and barely know and you thought they are the answer to all of your problems when they...... just DON'T ? We can't just tell of our feelings, secrets to just ANYBODY we KNOW . Think, do you even know them well to actually know they are trustful people and when you tell them, you just start to blame them in everything for the rumors and hectic stories about you. Well you are to be blame too. *slurps some cola* You don't always make great choices and you make mistakes too. Just forgive them and just stop trusting them for a sec and think for the better. If they are good enough to be a well known soul silencer then, go ahead, explode your inner everything. Some friends can't take any of your whines and we can't always expect them to listen and understand if they never even know how to. Stop expecting everything from your friends but if you have a problem, seek them when you can but not ALWAYS, if you actually do that always, that'll be a great way for you to get less attention now. Oh and HELLO, they are your friends, treat them like friends does, they aren't councellors. Thanks :)

Till then for now. Keep watch for pt. 2 if you need some tips :)

Periods ? Sure

Assalamualaikum and Hello boys and girls :)

Yesterday i was awfully sick but alhamdulillah, it wasn't severe because i had this headache that i wish wasn't there and a stomach pain so i had to go home from school early. I missed class and i also knew i had missed fun . Gosh. How would guys react to a pain like this? I bet they whine a lot, more than getting hit by a brick. Stupid? I know and reasons? They dislike pain as much as girls and this kind of pain is the reason to skip schools. I can be sure that there'll be 89% missing boys in school if that happens . Lol . No offense but we girls wish we could do that too and guys can easily miss school so we girls get NUTELLA :p

Never Did i Forget

This is kind of stupid but I'm still counting. Not sure why though but it's a memory so, happy memories ? Happy 1 year and 6 months Memories *blows my own candle* I'm dumb to had celebrate it on my own since we're going on our own direction. I'll take care of myself since you can't be there for me anymore. Au Revoir <3

Keen For Something

Assalamualaikum,

I'm back for more stories to tell. Things has been quiteeeeeee........ a turn ? I'm not sure how you would say it but i'm good. I know i am. So i have this one year younger crush and well, i'm very much interested in him. He got that traits i like and Gosh, hahah even though i'm writing, i'm just so speechless. I guess things just... Want to make you happy again ? I know god wants us to keep that smile on our faces and that is why, i've been patiently waiting for the right time :) I don't mind being with a boy younger than me, It's cute and well, i love kids :p

I'm not sure if he likes me back because my friend said that he was waiting for me to pass by and so he could keep watch from behind. His friends even nudged him when they saw me. It's practically embarrassing since some of his friends knew how i looked at him and maybe... how he looked at me too ? I hope one day i could get that chance to say hi because this is a love story that i would want to remember. Nothing attached, no words spoken before and just our eyes doing the talking. I want to write him a letter BUT, i'm quite shy. I mean what would his friends think of me?What would HE think of me? I'm older than him and he would probably think this is some childish thoughts i'm having writing a letter to a younger age. I'm going to fast *knocks head* I like him but letters? Phft ! sure xD hahahah

Tomorrow, let's do it tomorrow. Let's try. A letter with nothing but a HI :)

Hello There ,

Assalamualaikum,

It's been awhile since i blogged and i'm sorry . I'm not even sure about who's reading anyways. Well, my life has it's ups and downs right now. Moving on is never easy as you know so many things has been treasured by the the present yet i know it's not right to look back nor think about it. My best friends are trying to erase the memories that has been suffocating me to stop. I haven't gotten the hang of it but i know, i could do it if i try. I'm afraid of getting the same treatment from him. Even just a friend, i envy how he talks to other people. It was never like our conversations. I'm pretty sure no one would like to get that same heartache and the same reason why you broke off with them. What i'm doing is just to accept it, not complain much and just go with the flow. I shouldn't mind it anymore.

So my cat, Max just got injured yesterday. He was run over at the hips by my brother's car. It was an accident we didn't want to happen. So today we sent it to the vet. It seems like he'll be okay but he need to hospitalized for a few days. As an owner and a pet lover, YES i'm worried :s

Insyaallah, it will heal soon. I love you <3

Guess that's all from me. Oh and my school is having a carnival. Do come ! :D

Venue: SMK USJ 13

Date: 29th April 2012

Time: 8am till 3.30pm (I guess lol)

Take care :)

Memo-Rise

Assalamualaikum,

Hello dearies :)

It's been awhile since i blogged. So okay, yesterday i just heard stuff that i needed to hear from him, maybe i didn't ask him directly about it and it's because i'm sure, he wouldn't want to tell me what and so on. He always have HIS REASONS so i asked my friends instead. I heard he moved on and planning to like the girl i hear and so, i was heartbroken though i can't stop him causing HATE and ANGER in me towards him. Firstly because he made me fall for him again, THINKING that one day he would come back because he even said so he's taking it slowly and the next thing you know, he already moved on and liked someone. What does it make me feel? Hurt, yes. I couldn't possibly kill him for that.

After all these months, loving him was a waste and it concludes the same as he still likes the girl. I'm upset that he didn't agree the deal i made with him to set him free when i'm happy enough yet, he left without the deal and left without a note. Being friends only cause something worse. Who would be friends after a long relationship breakup and who would tolerate the happiness of someone you love so much with someone else. I couldn't handle it so i put myself away to not EVEN, be a part of him anymore. I don't want to suffer. I don't even want to hear his name, voice and so on but what can i do? My dugaan is just that . He's in the same class as me and everywhere i go, his name is just there. My friends keeps saying his name. How do i freaking live?

All i can do is bertawakal, berdoa and solat banyak2. That's what i can do right now. Bring myself closer to Allah, instead of being around the world with what not. I just want to live peacefully. Find someone right. Is it too much of a fairytale for me? I'm still a child, i still have my parents, i'm still in care. He means a lot to me but now, i think i should stop. I wrote a song for him in the letter book. After i've done with the song, i'll keep the book somewhere i won't plan to open it back out. Let is be memories that will never rise out inside me again. I don't plan to be with anybody right now. I just want to wait for the right time for it. After school or maybe during my college days.

I'll be brave, the world around me is still fresh in my life, don't let it be a waste for someone who's not even there for you anymore. I'll move on ..

My Birthday Wishes

Assalamualaikum,

Guess what? It's my Birthday :) yay ! hahah okay. I'm not that happy since i had a pretty rough day and my eyes is swollen to my excessive crying :| well, I just knew that my ex still has feeling for me. I'm glad BUT, he wasn't sure about wanting me back. It always come back to that when he would say, he doesn't want to hurt me but he hasn't realize that leaving me is the most hurtful thing he would do but i guess it's just him being caring. I seriously love him, i want him back, RIGHT NOW, but it's too soon to give in. We need more time to put ourselves back together, to restart, RESTART our life together. I want to spend my life with him. It was my wish when i knew he was the one for me.

I know i dream big but i guess that's the only reason why i gave him my everything. I want him to know that i can't move on without him but maybe he want it that way. He's confused and all i can do it let him decide his life. Wait for us or Walk away. I just dont know. I'm still giving myself to Allah. I'm not sure of what to do so Insyaallah, God made him realize how things could change if we try. :')

A Night With you PT.1

Assalamualaikum,

Wish i could sleep now since it's late. .__. i mean, i'm blinking and yawning for a few times now. I just done my minecraft project given by NIK that is building a mansion. It isn't that nice since it's my first time. PLUS it was snowing -.- Maybe i'll get it right someday :) So yeah !

I'm very much bored so This is my first NIGHT WITH YOU topic :)

Apparently, most of the people is searching for my blog link and basically, i never like crowds haha. TOTALLY. Kinda get on my nerves but i write :) i mean, i am a story teller and my life is basically a story book so i don't need a novel to write when my life is already a novel. A one weird novel LOL. This my wisdom words --> "keep life to yourself, let you know your own story and when you grow up, you tell your life to your children and let them notice how they could do better." Not, the part where our parents go talking about their generations. This is the modern world, people fall to something they do not wish to fall on to.

I agree on how our parents do not understand how our life turns out to be and somehow we wish they knew. All i can say is that, let them think what they want to think about us and also, prove them we aren't like those people in their generations who actually KILL themselves because of something they only did an ant wrong. We barely moved to a spot but i mean, i don't put any sad/angry stuff into my studies. That's so not me. I study when i feel like it. All i need is faith and let me know that you as my parents, know that i'm doing it right and that they are they to correct me. I may not be that perfect child but i want to be this child you find different because being similar to that jimmy neutron isn't going to find me any happiness but maybe to the future but we all know that we dont know how our future will turn out.

I am studying my way through life. I swear. I study in school. I do go rebel sometimes but i always come back being that innocent kid. That's all i can say to you guys. Just be strong and be true to yourself. Not everything turns out the way we want to but life is full of surprises and deep inside us is a present itself :)

Unknown

Assalamualaikum,

Today's post is unknown lol. I'm having mood swings everyday. Not very sure what i want now. Anyways, today morning , i'm gonna have a run in school. Kinda hoping i get a number this year but i bet, i'll be like half dead after passing 2km hahahah. Here are some tips you could use on the run :)

1. Drink loads of water before the run(use the toilet if you must) or if you prefer bringing a bottle then, please bring
2. Do warm up
3. Never stop running, if you do, then just jog because when you stop, your running pace will go slow
4. Try breathing through your nose to not let your mouth dry

And that is all ! hahah So to the next topic. Yesterday, school was 'Okaaaaaay' there were ups and downs since both of my ex were watching me, like this owls in the park after my house practice. yeah, you can say maybe they look like those cute owls, innocently looking at it's prey. but i mean like, I was nervous .___. and thank god i wasn't alone because i wanted to be out in the park so badly that i had to put Adam in this mess but he was okay with it :') aww, haha, he's such a nice friend and never did i plan for anything more between us. Even we agree to it since we both have different liking.

Continuing the nervousness, i was saved by Amira, Farisa, Tasha and Chiara. They were out for a jog and i joined so i could just get away from the moment of awkwardness. They understand and so "Alhamdulillah" for that hehehe :B I love them <3

In the library, before these things happen, Afina had a talk with me about my ex. Me waiting for him was a bad idea to her. She told me to stop that love because things between me and him, NEVER gonna happen. Amira(while jogging) she told me that he ones hated me for talking to boys and being so close to them as if i never do that to him and i didn't notice till yesterday. He never showed he cared before this. When i tried, he keeps asking me to go do what i like. When i don't want to be with boys, he wants me to just go with the flow with them. So yeah, BUT buuuuut, i swear to god i treat him like he was my everything but in reply, i only got was an "okay" "thank you" "alright" and that's the end of it. He never said, "aww :')" "Thank you sweetheart, you are beautiful" or or "You are everything to me too :)" THERE, with a smiley face lagi. but no, never did i get a smiley from him anymore when he say something sweet to me.

Right now, all i know is that WE need SPACE from US. Maybe we always spend time with each other talking on the phone, we never had a topic to talk. Though i always have topics, he never seemed to like my topic. usually he would talk about his day too but he no longer talk about it to me. What has done, has done. I won't repeat it anymore. I'll keep waiting with my feelings away so i would focus on my studies first and him second and keep praying so my life would ease.

I'll still love him dearly like those days we had before. :') but these feelings will have to stop one day if he walks away out of my life. I'll prove him that i change one day so he would know, THINGS can happen again.

That is then and this is now

Even though i let love end but my heart was strong enough and was ready to let you find happiness in times i can bind you in my life. Don't waste it and let my goodbye's happen for a reason. When time comes, look at what journey has took us and come back to my life again -sarah-

Urgh

It's official, i can't hate him :/ I might as well hug my pillow and date my life. Everything is EFF up and so, I'll just live life the way it is and PRAY and some more and more and more and more prayers. Allah is what i have right now. Always did. Nothing can stop THIS love

Nuff Said

Assalamualaikum,

Today is a rage post. LEPAS GERAM .

I want to put my heart and mind to everything in here. I hate WMZA. I hate him. Literally, after all i put my heart through. I hate him ! NOT TO SAY I LITERALLY DO but everytime, every single time i look at him, i feel like slapping him, biting him, throw rocks and all those cruel stuff. I hate the fact that i'm feeling this way but it's just a feeling and at the same time i miss him. I don't care anymore. He looks at other girls like it's a game, well consider my feelings too. I'm not easy. I'm always HARD. and preferably , i hang out with boys just so i could see new guys and notice that you're not the only guy but jaksbdiawbdwa, You were always THE ONLY GUY. I can't change THAT FACT and i friggin hate it.

You can easily tell my friends you're interested in them and look, I'm with the ears who hears it from them and i'm not surprised. Never did i was surprised coz you never treat me the way you treat them. You're just like Arif but you never tried doing anything to the girl you like. but Liking different people means making me jealous with every single one of them. I used to talk to my friends like it was nothing, now it's all awkward and my head is going like "Hey, my ex likes you and we just broke up 3 weeks ago" so i mean like WTH? I heard from amira the reason why i can't join the paint thingy. It was because of you. Okay, It's not your class only. It's mine too. and if you don't want to see me, wear a mask or something or i don't give a damn. I was never happy that we were in the same class. I admit it. When i heard you're coming to my class. It'll be the same way you're going to treat me in the phone but i was trying my best but with your 'ALASAN', i can't do it.

You said you want to study but i see you laughing you lungs out, talking and ETC with your friends. You only study science and add maths. Others are like, I don't give a fish. You said you don't have time to talk and now, after we broke up, everything just turned upside down eh? You said you liked homeworks but dude, you never even done your homework. I get it. I understand everything after this post. When i read it. i knew you're only trying to look ahead without those hurtful feelings. Well whatever it is. I won't talk with you anymore. I hope this concludes your moving on. I won't ask/talk about you . After all, we're nothing to begin with

I'll be In peace

Assalamualaikum,
Welcome saturday :)

Yesterday was a bit off mood for me. Kinda like this hit on the head thing where you get mad at stuff so easily. I don't actually know what happen but today morning, my classroom will be painted by the one who got invited for help. I offered help though but i was been pushed away. I'm Kinda disappointed but it's okay since I'm always been treated that way and also i'm just gonna be a bother anyways. They are like a gang, reason why i'm not in THE GROUP so yeah, i'll back away. LOL, I don't have a clique so i just get along to anyone who wanna be friends with me. Not to be sad about since i'm kinda used to it :)

As long as i have myself, my pen and my book, i'll keep myself busy. I'm still jealous though since i always wanted to paint the walls but i didn't get the chance to do so. Oh well, have fun to the people who's going to paint the classroom.

Have a goodnight people. :)

It's okay Now

Assalamualaikum,

in another 30 minutes, i'll be spending my days in my room, wishing myself happy 1 year and 4 months anniversary. I'm basically counting the days i love him and it's not wrong to continue the time we no longer spend with each other. If i ever forget about him, these days will be the day it ends. I'm planning to wait for him. Forgive me, Ya Allah. I'm not ready to move on since i still love him with all my heart. Even when he's looking at other girls, i'm still there thinking of him. He's gentle love from the past is something i regret losing. Maybe we needed a time out since ever. And when the time comes, i wish he would come to me, asking me to have him back. I told my friends that if i EVER get him back, I'll treasure him, really really do will TREASURE every last one of him.

I tawakal everyday not willing to do anything by force nor cruelty. I'm just putting up my efforts to be patient and wait for Allah to do the decision. My life is in god's hands and it's not mine to write the life of mine. Well, Happy 1 Year 4 Months anniversary ! I knew we no longer celebrate it after that one year but everyday, i wished myself an annie and the days spent. I love you. I Really do, and im ready to face the fact that i might be or not be forgotten by you. You promised that if one day we are apart, you'll come back to me no matter what, so did i on the 4th month we coupled. I'll never forget about it so i'm just hoping you'll come to realize that such a promise made and that your own heart wants me back in your life. I love you. Take care <3

You'll be remembered

You'll be remembered :') even for a bit. I still love you as i hope for a forever

Big Derp

Assalamualaikum,

So i ask my friend out and it turn out i was rejected but i didn't mind because, i just wanted to know how it feels to be with him. I mean i'm curious since he didnt have a girlfriend but hey, that makes everything special about him. Hopefully one day he's girlfriend have the best of him. I actually meant to say this to him but instead i said "i just want to get closer to you" so yeah, i kinda get messed up since i never ask a boy out before. hahaha I'm not actually searching for a boyfriend to replace my ex, I'm actually planning to sort things out before i do anything regretful since i still love him. I still don't plan to lose this feelings but more and more, i find him living his life the way he wanted. I was afraid of not MOVING. So i forced myself to like someone i didn't want to fall for and of course i don't like the guy who rejected me. I only see him as a friend.

Life's complicated. Forcing and doing things i don't want turn out to be awful(of course it's awful lol). I want to be #foreveralone . Really. I mean it. Chasing after guys is my weakness. I can never chase a guy. I'm bad at it. Starting tomorrow, after i wear the braces, people will see the change of me, not that BIG of a change but a change IN ME. I'm gonna play the innocent part now. but i can't face my brother. He put a lot of faith in me and my ex. To tell him it's over, he'll freak out and will actually, give me this speech of "DONT PUT THIS IN YOUR STUDIES" and all. My brother cares for me and i get it but, somehow, i just need some time to myself. Date myself to understand myself better. I'll do what i can to change my WEIRD life to something not weird anymore.

Definitely Positive

I Smile to the things we Barely Notice

Assalamualaikum,

So hello February :) Did i say it too late? Well i hope i didn't. Life is as usual as it can be, Boring, Sleepy and The victim in every faults. But i'm used to it though. But my heart is empty, Something so new to me. I was taken for a long time and now, being a single, it's just something you don't see everyday. I miss Those sweet words i always hear every night . Right now, I'm forcing myself to like someone else, to not bother my ex life so i wouldn't disturb his emotions. He looks happy and well, i'm happy for him :')

Moving on, so you guys probably want to know who's this guy i say forcing myself to like. Well haha, he's someone i can't tell since i'm silently liking him like this typical ninja. Okay, i know ninja is a bad example of silent liking :P I just, whenever i see him, i feel like smiling. He don't seem to be into me but i don't care. I'm not planning to tell him i like him though. Let it be a little secret of mine, just so i can smile along with his. About My real feelings.... well nobody knows about it. It's between me, myself and I. Something nobody can understand.

Till then