Hello dearies :)
It's been awhile since i blogged. So okay, yesterday i just heard stuff that i needed to hear from him, maybe i didn't ask him directly about it and it's because i'm sure, he wouldn't want to tell me what and so on. He always have HIS REASONS so i asked my friends instead. I heard he moved on and planning to like the girl i hear and so, i was heartbroken though i can't stop him causing HATE and ANGER in me towards him. Firstly because he made me fall for him again, THINKING that one day he would come back because he even said so he's taking it slowly and the next thing you know, he already moved on and liked someone. What does it make me feel? Hurt, yes. I couldn't possibly kill him for that.
After all these months, loving him was a waste and it concludes the same as he still likes the girl. I'm upset that he didn't agree the deal i made with him to set him free when i'm happy enough yet, he left without the deal and left without a note. Being friends only cause something worse. Who would be friends after a long relationship breakup and who would tolerate the happiness of someone you love so much with someone else. I couldn't handle it so i put myself away to not EVEN, be a part of him anymore. I don't want to suffer. I don't even want to hear his name, voice and so on but what can i do? My dugaan is just that . He's in the same class as me and everywhere i go, his name is just there. My friends keeps saying his name. How do i freaking live?
All i can do is bertawakal, berdoa and solat banyak2. That's what i can do right now. Bring myself closer to Allah, instead of being around the world with what not. I just want to live peacefully. Find someone right. Is it too much of a fairytale for me? I'm still a child, i still have my parents, i'm still in care. He means a lot to me but now, i think i should stop. I wrote a song for him in the letter book. After i've done with the song, i'll keep the book somewhere i won't plan to open it back out. Let is be memories that will never rise out inside me again. I don't plan to be with anybody right now. I just want to wait for the right time for it. After school or maybe during my college days.
I'll be brave, the world around me is still fresh in my life, don't let it be a waste for someone who's not even there for you anymore. I'll move on ..
