Masquenova Prom 2013 (101113)

Yesterday was supposed to be a blissful night and it still is, but something came up and turned everything around because of one who came and left .

If only I could turn the time, maybe I could make it right . Change the tied, make up for all the time has lost . Maybe things wouldn't have to turn this way. We could still enjoy every night spent if only you were there for me a bit longer and maybe I wouldn't be this way because what am I when you asked me to be your date ?

Everyone was hopping on the dance floor with their love ones, enjoying every jumps they take when the DJ turned the song slow song into a chaotic rave party from prom to madness . I made my mark to stand beside my friends and sing along to the song I knew were on and raise my hands in the air to songs I find beaty and crazy . I lost myself when I realize, I was the only one searching for him in darkness I could not see . It totally saddens me how you could party without me, even for a second . But because of you, I got to party with my friends and I don't regret anything .

   Meet my date . You come to realize how something does not feel right if I started saying, the guy beside me isn't even smiling . It feels one sided somehow but understandable . This picture was taken when I almost lost his precious mask that he made for half and hour and I'm sorry . But that's not the case, If only you were there more often beside me, things for me could've gone better but you were still gone, lost and you asked me to be your date but it didn't felt like it even when we got the chance to slow dance to the song my best friend sang . That was the only moment I could laugh, look at you and hold you close but after that, it was like the world is speaking to me, saying that this is the moment where you need to let him go. You told me before prom, during SPM, you said, you wanted to take many polaroid pictures with me where you'll have one of us together and one of my own and that I'd do the same to have our picture taken together and a picture of you for me but that didn't happen . Even before we left, even when you spoke to have a picture taken with me, you wanted to give me the picture even though you asked for it . It hurts when it feels like I am holding the memories and you're just keeping me broken . You may not realize it but I wish you knew better than to hurt me . But it's okay now . I hope things will be better soon. I do not wish to fight or get upset because of what you've done wrong anymore because everyone makes mistakes and that I'll just have to learn to not take anything to the heart .

By that time, I'll be ready to face you again .

 

Anyways, meet Marina . My best friend's girlfriend from Johor . She's beautiful and It was lovely meeting her . It was something new since I made friends that day. I was even got the chance to be introduced to Arif's new girlfriend, Marissa . She was gorgeous . As I thought, he never lost his eyesight for girls haha .

 

And here's to the Masquenovians prom people in 2013 . Everyone made this work and thank you for the committee for helping out on the tickets selling and such . Most thankful to Aizi, our prom president for making everything possible . <3

Horrible

Assalamualaikum,

Hello there .
It's almost the year end and look at me. Things has changed so much, I started to screw up again . My previous post is the total opposite of where I am now . I no longer have a boyfriend, I'm lost and I may be smiling so much at the moment but my heart is torn apart . The flow I've been going through is coming to a bumpy road. The more I go on, the more I want to stop . Usually, the best time to talk about this is to seek your friends but maybe I couldn't take the heat even after a conversation because they aren't here to comfort me and instead, I'm wiping my own tears through the phone, getting my sleeves all wet . How is things ever going to be the same again ? I'm losing my smiles to a horrible memory .

I question myself everyday, if I could do anything about it . Now, all i can do is depend on myself and to not care as much as I did before because the lesser you care, the lesser it'll hurt . I used to love someone so much that everyone turned on me because I was controlling a life that I don't own and now, I stopped doing what I did and start a new beginning to the point where I just hung myself to say anything . Patience was everything they said, but how long will I endure the patience of not saying anything as I too have the right to say what I needed to say but i worry, what will they think and feel . I might lose the trust, the respect, the love, the care, the wants and the needs and I could be just another person in life to not be bother with .

Right now, my feelings are numb . I feel hate but I love, sad but happy and when I wanna feel, I feel empty . There's nothing to consume inside my heart no more . I guess this is the moment where I take a break from all the feelings that had been thrown at me . I was never a priority to my love ones anymore except for him, my ex and I knew I lost him because I was well aware of my empty feeling of nothing . I felt so bad and I may regret but I know I was never worthy of his love. It was too great for me to handle that I tire myself from holding on and for being afraid of the heartaches. Loving someone too much could destroy you . I'm no one to tell you but every relationship must ready a band-aid because you won't love someone so much till they're gone .

I know I fell for someone new yet old, a past love I never want to turn back to because I hate how he took me into his life and throw me somewhere far to catch me back again . It's like an off and on switch which he needs when he got nothing to do . I felt used but he wants me to trust him that there ain't another, that I was someone he wants to care so badly now and I wonder , what does trust means to him . Sometimes I felt like there was more than just me in his heart because I knew I could never measured up to the girl who is the reason why we stopped loving each other . It could be nothing now but it's a fear I can never run away from . Maybe he doesn't love me anymore, maybe he just wants to be friends , no commitments and just normal friends getting along because I never felt love since that day he put me second. I don't blame him but I know I wasn't someone important to him , not as much as what he does in his daily life but I don't mind now . Like I said, I feel empty. I could taste hurt but my heart is numb from all the heartaches . I cried enough to cry some more.

I hope this tells you enough about my life

Goodnight

Beautiful, Magical, Pain

Assalamualaikum,

Hello there!

It seems like months that I haven't been blogging and as much as I want to keep on writing, I have an exam coming up tomorrow and the sad part is that, it's history . Oh god, please spare me !

Apparently, I've become the person I've been pleasing to welcome into my life but now, I don't understand why I've been begging my boyfriend to come back to Subang to meet me . Obviously I miss him but begging him to come back every single day is just sad when I already know his answer . For years being in distance relationship with my ex's, I don't understand why this particular guy is needed near me so badly . I'm going crazy, I can feel the craziness in me at some point . Such sensitive soul, why must you live to be so SENSITIVE ?!

Unknown People .

Assalamualaikum,

Sorry for the long MIA . I wasn't in any mood for any talking and it seems like i needed to get rid of the excessive emo talk. Gosh , but just a minute ago, i went online on ask.fm and I got another person who doesn't get the question information of "NO INAPPROPRIATE" question . I get really really mad when a person thought they know so much about myself . I mean, who has the right to even speak about MY life. What if I say
 "you work at a club? Such a stripper ."
Sounds offensive isn't it ? when you had never step in a club before and then, you get judged . Sometimes I wonder what's that person is like . Haters? Curious? Jealous? or they're just plain stupid ? I mean, if you want to be honest, I like it when you stand your name and tell me who you are and not cowardly hide it because you're scared people would hate you and well yeah, I would since you judged .

I don't know how to end this post but If I know who you are, I won't let you off that easily . I don't care if you're scared or not  but I really mean what I said .

Silent Song of Poet : Original

I quote my life in words I couldn't define,
Questions yet figured in mind,
For long I stand,
I'm still struggling,
To put my mind from thread to
strands of string .

Music played to calm my heart,
from the heart aching moments
i once and still had,
Pretend to ignore that fate had met,
To look forward without a start
and begin again .

Quiet Poetry I finally writ,
wish you knew what my heart felt .
A heart you break, never a tear to care,
what more could had been said,
To bridges without you in the end .

One day never came,
still crying to the fact I'm stuck front ,
You never saw me shed,
those words I cried on my bed .

Then I said fine to lied,
Lead farewell to mind,
then I saw your eyes contact,
and never wish to meet again .

Red Cheeks, Quiet Eyes

Assalamualaikum,

There had been things going on lately and I'm pretty much curious . Somehow my best friend is keeping things from me and I don't wish to tell you what it is as it might offend some of you people who read this . It's just so obvious that things are right in front of me yet, I can't be sure of . Life is full of mystery and yet to be discovered . I'm torturing myself . It shouldn't be my problem and a waste of time but because the person and secret has something to do with my past and my life, I can't ignore . Probably because my best friend had been keeping things behind me for my own good but I suggest for admission . They can't hide forever . Pity me too . Why does things still revolve around me when i thought it should settle down now ? I'm deeply depressed but i don't know how to resolve this. Whining about it to my boyfriend and my trustworthy ones won't solve anything .

All I could do now is be strong and be patient, isn't that how I go through this from the start ? Patience and that it leads me to something better than just a mere lesson . I'm happy but now, I'm not satisfied as there were still questions in my head that still is... going on .

Fiddle January

Assalamualaikum,

I haven't been updating since umm, 3 weeks ago and I apologize for my disappearance . A lot of things had happen lately and that concludes to today's activity which students must collect an amount of RM 100 with their examiners slip . During the table talk, they gave us the money and ask us if we would like to pay for this PIBG thingy . In the end, some students came back with a ringgit less than RM 10 . Whatever it is, I didn't pay yet, my parents wish to pay later on after months past and treasure the money . Apparently, my brother replaced my parents "Parent teacher talk" Yay, no lecture no nothing .

Anyways, I've been chosen to do the front page cover for the school magazine with Adzim . My teacher has this idea called match making, i guess, for making me work things out and do things together with my ex which she knows that he IS my ex but I didn't let the past come to us but coorperating is a problem . Maybe for me . I don't know why . I have this bad aura whenever I'm around him, the anger aura I supposed . And again, I persuade myself to not put the past in things I wished to do for the school and for myself .I want to make history and whenever I come around, people would remember me even when I'm gone and not just a footstep on the sand .

Till the moon shines again .