You don't need dreams to make a goal

Assalamualaikum,

Hello there !

I got my PMR results 2 days ago. It was beautiful but wasn't that remarkable and actually was enough to make my parents happy :) I got 3A 5B . *Muffle Screams* Happy gilerrrrr :P

So whoakay ! I got a call from Balqish at noon, we were talking about our streams and ambition till we had this chat about Malacca cheap sale. I was wow-ed by it that i wanted the items so badly. Basically, it started with iPhone's cover for 3G. It's really limited now, everything was for 4S/4. Since i'm getting my mom's phone, i wanted a cover for it, GREEN especially so i talk it out with Balqish. She suggested me to buy it at Malacca. It was cheap, nice (idk if it is though but she said it was nice) and reasonable, PLUS the clothing there were too. I mean, this is my chance to shop and my mom agreed to it after i told her about the sale at the cinema, watching Alvin and the Chipmunk xD

Sunday was the plan for Malacca and my dad wasn't that sure about his schedual. Well, i hope we could go though *trollface* . That's all for now , tootles :)

Ps. I met a guy online on some web i searched on google. He was sweet, cute and understanding. His given name is Trooper. Urh, duhh, he's adorable, we webcam-ed *sweet smiles* !

Australia

Assalamualaikum ^^

I'm home ! Landed at 7pm today. It was quite a journey, to and fro, from/to Kuala Lumpur/Australia . It took me 8 hours 15 minutes to get there. Not to mention a flight delay on my way home to KL. Plus Air Asia service was slow, i got hungry for not eating in the morning. My milk carton was taken away by the 'checking stuff' counter. I mean, it's just milk D:

1st day still in Malaysia

The airplane take off to Australia 10.15pm

2nd day in Aussie

Landed at 6am. Checked in at Islander Hotel. Got the keys to my room that is number 69 ;) (i know what you're thinking there people) lol. My parents got their room at 107. Went to bed since we were tired, the uncomfortable chair in Air Asia plane made me woke up repeatedly. Okay so, after that went out and check out the shop. There were hotties everywhere, i mean EVERYWHERE ! But there isn't much stuff i could do on this day ~

3rd day in Aussie

Woke up really early, the sun rises at 4.20 am on summer. I couldn't close my eyes. Since it was my first tour, mom wants to be punctual and follows the time in the papers but when the tour bus arrive, it was 9.15am already. (waited at 8.50am) We headed to Movie worlds <3 It was nice there and i actually had fun. There were extreme rides but i couldn't ride it alone since no one wants to accompany me. If my brother was there, we will sure ride the rides.

4th day in Aussie

Apparently, it was the last day for our visit because we were going back the next day. We went to Paradise Country where sheeps, pigs, kangaroo, Koala and birds were. I got into a fight with my mom there. The things i would like to forget so i'm not saying why. There, i got to see different sheeps and touch a Koala :) aww it's cute alright. Then we went to Harbour Town. It's more to retail shops there. I shopped at Jeanswest since it was on sale. I mean the price is cheaps but if we convert it, it's so darn expensive. I bought 2 items from the racks that is 3 for 10$ and 1 from 2 for 30$. The others were my mom's. At night, i had my last walk at Surfers Paradise. We were actually searching for food. Well my meal is my Maggie Mee that is in my hotel room (mom's hotel room) so i'm just waiting for them. I also bumped into Azrul and Adriz (brothers) . I was actually shocked but i did give a wave though haha

5th day back to Malaysia

(the intro story)

That is all. I did bought souveneirs for SOME friends. My mom wont let me buy for more than 2 so yea. One is for Amira and One is for Balqish. Till then ~

I'm closing the Doors to My heart..Slowly

Assalamualikum,

Here's my next post of the day.

It's 2.12am in the morning and i couldn't get some sleep. I'm thinking of things that i should have put away since yesterday but i couldn't. Today i suddenly got a text from him and it was like.... The old him. I don't actually know why suddenly, it was the guy from the day i remembered, but it only lasted for only like 2-3 text and it when back to "Alrighteyh" sentence again. After the text, i didn't know what to say, i ALWAYS have nothing to say when he said that and because of it, I replied with "ok" but this time, it's nothing. I put my phone away so i wouldn't have to think about it. I cried, a bit and i cheered myself up with twitter. Obviously it didn't work.

7pm, i went out to celebrate my grandma's birthday. Had a talk with my cousins about my brother. It was about his relationship with a girl named, Nadiah. She's taking culinary and my cousins were like, "okaylah, menantu pandai masak" but my mom wasn't happy about it. She didn't want my brother to have to divide his love for his girl. She wasn't ready to have that mother, son love away. My dad and my cousins had his back. It was the reason of his absolute grades. My dad didn't want that pressure to get to my brother so it was just my mom. We ate Japan Cheese Cake made by Berry's. The food was great until i went back home.

I saw this hashtag on twitter about my friends relationship being in a mess and wanting to made a trend #imsorrynadhrah . Truthfully, Nadhrah was lucky to have a boy who wanted to help, who would try anything to get her back up in his heart. I was jealous, instead, i wasn't in my best mood too. Right now, he's asleep(different guy), i knew he was tired. Also, his mom is coming back home, surely he should have his best moods on, i didn't want to ruin it. I know, i'm taking the burden but that's what i do now and again, sacrifice for people's happiness, even though it was going to hurt me badly.

One day for sure, my efforts would be a help to all my problems. I remembered that one of my friends told me, "If he likes someone behind your back, let him go because you love him, let him be happy and then he'll realize something is wrong with his love life, it wasn't as sweet as you. It'll take awhile but one day for sure, you'll get the goods" but what if it didn't? When it was really goodbye? I don't want to break down again for the second time? It'll take me months for me to forget about him (if i have a boyfriend right away) or years (if i don't have a boyfriend at all) . I'm not calling myself desperate but don't you agree that this is the fastest way to forget about someone you cared for so long and see someone new who was right beside you through all the shits that's been hunting you. But my thoughts say no. Once this love is over, i'm not gonna find love until, i'm fully ready for a new one.

I had enough love life, seriously, being the only one serious sucks more than anything. I'm no robot, i don't have rusty feelings, i wouldn't just give my secrets to anyone, it's because i trusted you i did but you lied. You're starting to lie. I'm not a fool. I know when you're lying and when you don't. I told you didn't i that i don't ever want to hear a lie and just be honest, but you didn't you lied. I had to use the "lie to Allah" for you to tell me the truth. Seriously, you're making packs of things i couldn't try to understand. If you don't want me in your life then just say so, but you didn't, instead you're putting hearts on someone else and kept it a secret.

You said you never want to see me "sad" anymore, but why are you doing it? We're not even arguing anymore. I just don't get you, I'm losing you and myself and the reason why you even said i love you. I'm just losing it...

I Should have known

Credits to Nur Syahira for taking the eclipse <3

Assalamualaikum everyone ^^,

Here i'm gonna talk about what happen today. (Ps. it was Aiman's Birthday Party at the wheels and i got to go and celebrate. He got Samsung Galaxy Tab for his present from his mom. I know, it's awesome, Bring me to your family now xD Plus, the Surprise were not a surprise anymore thanks to whoever who blew out the secret :) ) *Grabs mic* I hate today. Why? Because practically my own boyfriend treated me like i'm some kind of a normal being who is seeking attention. Dude, I'm not your friend, No, i'm more than that. You treated other people sweetly, why the heck can't you treat me the same? The whole time i was thinking that you would come over, cheer me up and hold me close but that whole time, all you can ever say is asking me to sit down. I really love you and i know you would say the same. I get it. But what prove that i could trust that you do? You never catch me when i fall before, you only give me your hand after i fall and let me get this straight, your own best friend at least know how to treat me well and why can't you? You were never like this (He is after Raya), EVER. I mean, i left The Wheels because i had enough trying to make you see that i needed you to, "hold my hand", "do something", "Help me up" and "Treat me right". I needed time alone but Farah wanted to accompany me. She knew i was hurt. I could barely smile after the skate.

After i got home, i packed my clothes for Australia. I tried to get things of my mind, a single text from you was hurting me but i couldn't tell you that because i know, it would blow your mood off. I learned the way you would treat me after i say things that makes me sad, hurt and angry so i never tell you about the way i feel and just keep it a secret. Now, i don't even know if it is a secret, i don't even know if YOU're reading this. Basically, only god knows. I'm just a person waiting for a sign. I fell really hard on the ground, i was pulled by a stranger when i was skating. I couldn't move for 10 minutes. My hands were wounded, and now it's just popped out blue/purple . My butt were scrammed to the ground, causing pain to the stomach. I was muffle screaming on the bench because of the things going inside my stomach (Arif tried to inspect my stomach saying he want to see what's up but lol, i don't think that idea sounds very helpful for the pain that's been causing) , you never knew i was there even when you passed by me a lot of time. I cried a bit, not because i was hurt, but you weren't there to notice my pain.

Well, i guess that puts my heartache/memories/whatever it calls away :)

Goodnight then

Lunar Eclipse

Assalamualaikum,

Hello Again dear readers ^^

Have you heard the news about today's night forecast? It's going to to be an Eclipse of the moon. How exciting :3 *muffle scream* to miss it would be very sad since i never seen one so yea, this is not another night of Twilight or those vampires shining in the morning ~ Bahah ! Truthfully, i don't like twilight but i watch it, weird right?

Crazy news is that today is Aiman's Birthday ! *woooooo* I want to wish him but you know, i haven't talk to him for a LONG time except the time when he keep asking me about Adzim (i know, that's a topic but also the end of it) I miss the time when we could go online and chat on MSN. We were best friends until i screwed up, asking him to be my boyfriend and broke up with him 2 days before our 6 months relationship. I would love to tell him the reason why i did that but i'm sure, he would just want to forget about it and move on. If we were to talk again, that would be nice :)

Okay, so yeah, my lips is cracking badly. The first advice is drink a lot of water but i'm too stubborn to do so. I drink when i want to. Now i can't smile, if i do, it'll bleed. T_T I know i have the easiest way to do so WITHOUT drinking water. The tactics is a secret *wink wink*

That's all for now, Tata SAAAAAUCE !

I Realized I Was Dreaming About This

Assamualaikum,

Hello Readers, This is my 4th Post and counting :)

So i'll be off to Australia in..... 5 more days, that would be on Tuesday Next week. Yay ! *clap hands* I'll a bit shakey on flight since i'm afraid of height. The last time i rode it, my body were all shaking like i'm freezing or something. Okay, Don't laugh at me :P If you look closely, my mom planned for us to spend money wisely before the journey because it cost a lot, i mean Australian Money is BIG i tell you ~ Compare to our Country money, it's such a big difference RM1500=AUSD 450 . wtf right? This is what happen if you are planning to go far away from home.

Basing on the title, i'm not actually trying to tell you about my trip, It's actually about my relationship. I know the whole post is mostly about my feelings so yea, blablabla. Anyways, just listen up. i'm struggling. Knowing i should not be selfish i'm possibly thinking of letting him go. You see, i just found out things that i didn't wanna know in the first place and the reason is confidential. I dont know if he's happy with me. Before we're in a relationship again, he actually didn't want me when i wanted him back. Maybe, this was the time for me to be ready, take things slowly and let go ~ I knew he's feelings for me lessen and i was hurt, I'm not very sure, what if i say Let's break up? Would he say Don't go or nothing at all again because the last time i asked, he didn't say a word and wants to be just friend. I wanted the past back when we were so AWESOMELY Happy. The time when he'll just want to hug me anywhere and everywhere he wants and let people see how happy we are but now was just like, it's Public and different(based on his view). Am I the only one who doesn't want things to change?

My life has it's twirls and i'm so Unhappy about this. I'm trying to face it but i don't know, i just don't want to let him go, i don't want to find someone new and put a trust on people again. It's tiring, very very tiring. You know your heart couldn't take the pain when you were to be lied again. I know, i was cheated by heart now, maybe i was meant to face the lesson i've been given before. Right now, i'm going with the flow, i'll try to change him, because i changed others before, and i know i could change this one .

Lock Hold

Assalamualaikum !

Hello guys,

Miss me? No? okay x)

It's 2 am right now. No, its normal for me to be awake at this time. I mean, it's school holidays after all. I've been sleeping at 6 am nowadays plus, i've been waking up at 4 pm. That's bad, i know. I'm trying to fix my time but i couldn't sleep unless, i'm waiting for something. The reason is because i hate waiting and it makes me sleepy and bored. <--- make sense does it? I dont know, for me it does.

So i have my chocolate right now, i ate it until half a bar. I know, i'm a choco addict. I love sweet, it tickles my heart, my medicine <3 Some people think it's a dumb idea to eat sweets when you're sick but it's true, i dont need no pills for headache or liquids for coughs, i just eat chocolates. Unless i'm in a critical state, i have to be serious with drugs.

Okay, another happy thing is that, i love sleeping time, it is when i get to hear him talk. I love his voice, it's music to my ears you know? when i know he wanted to sleep, i get the sad mood on. I mean, i really want him to talk more like he used to 10 months ago. I remember every bit of it. I don't know if he cares about how i feel, i mean what could you possibly do when he himself want to be what he is now. So yeah, i'm doing what i do best and it's a secret ;)

There you have it for today's post. Have a nice holidays guys :)

Looks Don't measure perfection

So okay, it's almost been a week since i last post so obviously i didn't do what i did say from the previous post so i'm sorry.

Even so, it's not like anybody knows im using the old blog again. Plus i changed the link already.

I used to write a lot about that someone and yes, i am OVER it, Finally. I'm with someone else, much more perfect than the previous men i've been with. I'm not comparing but this relationship last pretty long. It's a dream of a girl's dream to have more than a year relationship and it hurts when we tried to let go after a journey that have made memories to tears, happiness and madness that can't make life much more wonderful. I know i made a lot of mistakes and i've been pain in the neck but maybe it was made to happen, it's courage that starts a fight, someone must speak up, i wanna know what has been going on even with fights in the middle. The truth is important, not the secrets.

I'm not the kind of person who'll hurt someone for fun, maybe i needed space. I can't talk this alone so i had someone with me and share my pain with her. I cried a lot, mostly nights, reasons i got my eye bags and all those sad moods that had been happening ~ woohoo, that's just me. Been living like this for the whole 3 years. High school sucks, i admit it but the people, not so, some were very nice. I get a lot of judgement about how i act and stuff but they don't know the truth that's why they were called RUMORS. i don't actually make many friends back in the days. Facts says, they hated me and i can pretty well show you what happen but you can't see the memories i've been keeping. He told me to throw it all away and i'm doing my best to do so.

I'm amaze that it's almost 2012 and the year end is here. There's so much stuff i wanna make up for breaking, hurting, shaking, cheating peoples heart. i've been with 2 only this year and i push him away because i wanted to get back with my old one since i love him hence i call that cheating at heart but practically i didn't use him, i just wanted to have a fun love relationship (you know the 'puppy love' kind?) and he knows but he wanted to get serious so i broke up, So there you go, the truth. And yes, my now guy knows i had been in a relationship with someone else after i broke up with him before. No need to ruin the mood, it's the past. Gah, i know i'm ruining it xD

Whatever happens next is forgotten, everybody is living happily now, my old BEST FRIENDS, never contacted me nor i do to them. I was trying to start a conversation but i didn't know what to say, they are all grown up and i don't know if they would really wanted to talk to me again. Furthermore, they've been with the peoples i hated in primary. Actually, i never hated anyone before, it was mostly to dislike. The one who's hating was them, not me. I was the innocent one, very tomboyish ~

I think my post ends here, till then ~

Truth be told

R A W R <3

I'm blogging again !

Yes, i know,

How many blogs am i gonna make?

-i don't know myself, i'm not trying to pull anything here, but i just feel like making a new one

Today i got my RM100 from my school :) thanks to the helpful government wanting to help children buy stuff for school. I know it won't be much of help, still it's money. Who doesn't want money? Anyways, I'm pretty much tired today, i haven't sleep much lately, well yknow? i love games, i love late night calls, i practically love night activities fyi ~

I'm not gonna write much today since yknow why ;)

Still, stay tune for tomorrow. I might have my energy back to write

B Y E !