My Birthday Wishes

Assalamualaikum,

Guess what? It's my Birthday :) yay ! hahah okay. I'm not that happy since i had a pretty rough day and my eyes is swollen to my excessive crying :| well, I just knew that my ex still has feeling for me. I'm glad BUT, he wasn't sure about wanting me back. It always come back to that when he would say, he doesn't want to hurt me but he hasn't realize that leaving me is the most hurtful thing he would do but i guess it's just him being caring. I seriously love him, i want him back, RIGHT NOW, but it's too soon to give in. We need more time to put ourselves back together, to restart, RESTART our life together. I want to spend my life with him. It was my wish when i knew he was the one for me.

I know i dream big but i guess that's the only reason why i gave him my everything. I want him to know that i can't move on without him but maybe he want it that way. He's confused and all i can do it let him decide his life. Wait for us or Walk away. I just dont know. I'm still giving myself to Allah. I'm not sure of what to do so Insyaallah, God made him realize how things could change if we try. :')

A Night With you PT.1

Assalamualaikum,

Wish i could sleep now since it's late. .__. i mean, i'm blinking and yawning for a few times now. I just done my minecraft project given by NIK that is building a mansion. It isn't that nice since it's my first time. PLUS it was snowing -.- Maybe i'll get it right someday :) So yeah !

I'm very much bored so This is my first NIGHT WITH YOU topic :)

Apparently, most of the people is searching for my blog link and basically, i never like crowds haha. TOTALLY. Kinda get on my nerves but i write :) i mean, i am a story teller and my life is basically a story book so i don't need a novel to write when my life is already a novel. A one weird novel LOL. This my wisdom words --> "keep life to yourself, let you know your own story and when you grow up, you tell your life to your children and let them notice how they could do better." Not, the part where our parents go talking about their generations. This is the modern world, people fall to something they do not wish to fall on to.

I agree on how our parents do not understand how our life turns out to be and somehow we wish they knew. All i can say is that, let them think what they want to think about us and also, prove them we aren't like those people in their generations who actually KILL themselves because of something they only did an ant wrong. We barely moved to a spot but i mean, i don't put any sad/angry stuff into my studies. That's so not me. I study when i feel like it. All i need is faith and let me know that you as my parents, know that i'm doing it right and that they are they to correct me. I may not be that perfect child but i want to be this child you find different because being similar to that jimmy neutron isn't going to find me any happiness but maybe to the future but we all know that we dont know how our future will turn out.

I am studying my way through life. I swear. I study in school. I do go rebel sometimes but i always come back being that innocent kid. That's all i can say to you guys. Just be strong and be true to yourself. Not everything turns out the way we want to but life is full of surprises and deep inside us is a present itself :)

Unknown

Assalamualaikum,

Today's post is unknown lol. I'm having mood swings everyday. Not very sure what i want now. Anyways, today morning , i'm gonna have a run in school. Kinda hoping i get a number this year but i bet, i'll be like half dead after passing 2km hahahah. Here are some tips you could use on the run :)

1. Drink loads of water before the run(use the toilet if you must) or if you prefer bringing a bottle then, please bring
2. Do warm up
3. Never stop running, if you do, then just jog because when you stop, your running pace will go slow
4. Try breathing through your nose to not let your mouth dry

And that is all ! hahah So to the next topic. Yesterday, school was 'Okaaaaaay' there were ups and downs since both of my ex were watching me, like this owls in the park after my house practice. yeah, you can say maybe they look like those cute owls, innocently looking at it's prey. but i mean like, I was nervous .___. and thank god i wasn't alone because i wanted to be out in the park so badly that i had to put Adam in this mess but he was okay with it :') aww, haha, he's such a nice friend and never did i plan for anything more between us. Even we agree to it since we both have different liking.

Continuing the nervousness, i was saved by Amira, Farisa, Tasha and Chiara. They were out for a jog and i joined so i could just get away from the moment of awkwardness. They understand and so "Alhamdulillah" for that hehehe :B I love them <3

In the library, before these things happen, Afina had a talk with me about my ex. Me waiting for him was a bad idea to her. She told me to stop that love because things between me and him, NEVER gonna happen. Amira(while jogging) she told me that he ones hated me for talking to boys and being so close to them as if i never do that to him and i didn't notice till yesterday. He never showed he cared before this. When i tried, he keeps asking me to go do what i like. When i don't want to be with boys, he wants me to just go with the flow with them. So yeah, BUT buuuuut, i swear to god i treat him like he was my everything but in reply, i only got was an "okay" "thank you" "alright" and that's the end of it. He never said, "aww :')" "Thank you sweetheart, you are beautiful" or or "You are everything to me too :)" THERE, with a smiley face lagi. but no, never did i get a smiley from him anymore when he say something sweet to me.

Right now, all i know is that WE need SPACE from US. Maybe we always spend time with each other talking on the phone, we never had a topic to talk. Though i always have topics, he never seemed to like my topic. usually he would talk about his day too but he no longer talk about it to me. What has done, has done. I won't repeat it anymore. I'll keep waiting with my feelings away so i would focus on my studies first and him second and keep praying so my life would ease.

I'll still love him dearly like those days we had before. :') but these feelings will have to stop one day if he walks away out of my life. I'll prove him that i change one day so he would know, THINGS can happen again.

That is then and this is now

Even though i let love end but my heart was strong enough and was ready to let you find happiness in times i can bind you in my life. Don't waste it and let my goodbye's happen for a reason. When time comes, look at what journey has took us and come back to my life again -sarah-

Urgh

It's official, i can't hate him :/ I might as well hug my pillow and date my life. Everything is EFF up and so, I'll just live life the way it is and PRAY and some more and more and more and more prayers. Allah is what i have right now. Always did. Nothing can stop THIS love

Nuff Said

Assalamualaikum,

Today is a rage post. LEPAS GERAM .

I want to put my heart and mind to everything in here. I hate WMZA. I hate him. Literally, after all i put my heart through. I hate him ! NOT TO SAY I LITERALLY DO but everytime, every single time i look at him, i feel like slapping him, biting him, throw rocks and all those cruel stuff. I hate the fact that i'm feeling this way but it's just a feeling and at the same time i miss him. I don't care anymore. He looks at other girls like it's a game, well consider my feelings too. I'm not easy. I'm always HARD. and preferably , i hang out with boys just so i could see new guys and notice that you're not the only guy but jaksbdiawbdwa, You were always THE ONLY GUY. I can't change THAT FACT and i friggin hate it.

You can easily tell my friends you're interested in them and look, I'm with the ears who hears it from them and i'm not surprised. Never did i was surprised coz you never treat me the way you treat them. You're just like Arif but you never tried doing anything to the girl you like. but Liking different people means making me jealous with every single one of them. I used to talk to my friends like it was nothing, now it's all awkward and my head is going like "Hey, my ex likes you and we just broke up 3 weeks ago" so i mean like WTH? I heard from amira the reason why i can't join the paint thingy. It was because of you. Okay, It's not your class only. It's mine too. and if you don't want to see me, wear a mask or something or i don't give a damn. I was never happy that we were in the same class. I admit it. When i heard you're coming to my class. It'll be the same way you're going to treat me in the phone but i was trying my best but with your 'ALASAN', i can't do it.

You said you want to study but i see you laughing you lungs out, talking and ETC with your friends. You only study science and add maths. Others are like, I don't give a fish. You said you don't have time to talk and now, after we broke up, everything just turned upside down eh? You said you liked homeworks but dude, you never even done your homework. I get it. I understand everything after this post. When i read it. i knew you're only trying to look ahead without those hurtful feelings. Well whatever it is. I won't talk with you anymore. I hope this concludes your moving on. I won't ask/talk about you . After all, we're nothing to begin with

I'll be In peace

Assalamualaikum,
Welcome saturday :)

Yesterday was a bit off mood for me. Kinda like this hit on the head thing where you get mad at stuff so easily. I don't actually know what happen but today morning, my classroom will be painted by the one who got invited for help. I offered help though but i was been pushed away. I'm Kinda disappointed but it's okay since I'm always been treated that way and also i'm just gonna be a bother anyways. They are like a gang, reason why i'm not in THE GROUP so yeah, i'll back away. LOL, I don't have a clique so i just get along to anyone who wanna be friends with me. Not to be sad about since i'm kinda used to it :)

As long as i have myself, my pen and my book, i'll keep myself busy. I'm still jealous though since i always wanted to paint the walls but i didn't get the chance to do so. Oh well, have fun to the people who's going to paint the classroom.

Have a goodnight people. :)

It's okay Now

Assalamualaikum,

in another 30 minutes, i'll be spending my days in my room, wishing myself happy 1 year and 4 months anniversary. I'm basically counting the days i love him and it's not wrong to continue the time we no longer spend with each other. If i ever forget about him, these days will be the day it ends. I'm planning to wait for him. Forgive me, Ya Allah. I'm not ready to move on since i still love him with all my heart. Even when he's looking at other girls, i'm still there thinking of him. He's gentle love from the past is something i regret losing. Maybe we needed a time out since ever. And when the time comes, i wish he would come to me, asking me to have him back. I told my friends that if i EVER get him back, I'll treasure him, really really do will TREASURE every last one of him.

I tawakal everyday not willing to do anything by force nor cruelty. I'm just putting up my efforts to be patient and wait for Allah to do the decision. My life is in god's hands and it's not mine to write the life of mine. Well, Happy 1 Year 4 Months anniversary ! I knew we no longer celebrate it after that one year but everyday, i wished myself an annie and the days spent. I love you. I Really do, and im ready to face the fact that i might be or not be forgotten by you. You promised that if one day we are apart, you'll come back to me no matter what, so did i on the 4th month we coupled. I'll never forget about it so i'm just hoping you'll come to realize that such a promise made and that your own heart wants me back in your life. I love you. Take care <3

You'll be remembered

You'll be remembered :') even for a bit. I still love you as i hope for a forever

Big Derp

Assalamualaikum,

So i ask my friend out and it turn out i was rejected but i didn't mind because, i just wanted to know how it feels to be with him. I mean i'm curious since he didnt have a girlfriend but hey, that makes everything special about him. Hopefully one day he's girlfriend have the best of him. I actually meant to say this to him but instead i said "i just want to get closer to you" so yeah, i kinda get messed up since i never ask a boy out before. hahaha I'm not actually searching for a boyfriend to replace my ex, I'm actually planning to sort things out before i do anything regretful since i still love him. I still don't plan to lose this feelings but more and more, i find him living his life the way he wanted. I was afraid of not MOVING. So i forced myself to like someone i didn't want to fall for and of course i don't like the guy who rejected me. I only see him as a friend.

Life's complicated. Forcing and doing things i don't want turn out to be awful(of course it's awful lol). I want to be #foreveralone . Really. I mean it. Chasing after guys is my weakness. I can never chase a guy. I'm bad at it. Starting tomorrow, after i wear the braces, people will see the change of me, not that BIG of a change but a change IN ME. I'm gonna play the innocent part now. but i can't face my brother. He put a lot of faith in me and my ex. To tell him it's over, he'll freak out and will actually, give me this speech of "DONT PUT THIS IN YOUR STUDIES" and all. My brother cares for me and i get it but, somehow, i just need some time to myself. Date myself to understand myself better. I'll do what i can to change my WEIRD life to something not weird anymore.

Definitely Positive

I Smile to the things we Barely Notice

Assalamualaikum,

So hello February :) Did i say it too late? Well i hope i didn't. Life is as usual as it can be, Boring, Sleepy and The victim in every faults. But i'm used to it though. But my heart is empty, Something so new to me. I was taken for a long time and now, being a single, it's just something you don't see everyday. I miss Those sweet words i always hear every night . Right now, I'm forcing myself to like someone else, to not bother my ex life so i wouldn't disturb his emotions. He looks happy and well, i'm happy for him :')

Moving on, so you guys probably want to know who's this guy i say forcing myself to like. Well haha, he's someone i can't tell since i'm silently liking him like this typical ninja. Okay, i know ninja is a bad example of silent liking :P I just, whenever i see him, i feel like smiling. He don't seem to be into me but i don't care. I'm not planning to tell him i like him though. Let it be a little secret of mine, just so i can smile along with his. About My real feelings.... well nobody knows about it. It's between me, myself and I. Something nobody can understand.

Till then