May 2013 becomes a thing I look forward to . My joy <3
20121230
2012
I finally took a time to do this for an hour which i wasted for my BM folio . Whatever it is here's the memories I took from my phone since I have like 800+ pics, and so here I pick the lucky 300+ :)
20121229
Almost New Year
Assalamualaikum,
I'm getting excited for 2013 to fly by fast because I can't wait to get over the big terms . I mean, have you ever thought that one day you'll be sitting for something that will defines your future? How much have we studied to come to an end of school days ? I never did but since I'm near the end, I'm feeling every nerves in my cells . I hope I don't disappoint my family about all the things I've did over the past (I know I did many). I may not study much but I did try my best and I did study a lot at some point and that was always in the last minute . (not good)
I haven't even start my school's folio , I'm so dead now . Well till then people, it's time to get on to it !
I'm getting excited for 2013 to fly by fast because I can't wait to get over the big terms . I mean, have you ever thought that one day you'll be sitting for something that will defines your future? How much have we studied to come to an end of school days ? I never did but since I'm near the end, I'm feeling every nerves in my cells . I hope I don't disappoint my family about all the things I've did over the past (I know I did many). I may not study much but I did try my best and I did study a lot at some point and that was always in the last minute . (not good)
I haven't even start my school's folio , I'm so dead now . Well till then people, it's time to get on to it !
20121221
Guilty But...
I don't know why I'm even doing this to myself to him . I don't even know what's wrong with me . I feel so depressed and sad and that i don't even know what I'm doing anymore . When I think again, I was pretty sure it wasn't him being away from me . I don't have a reason to be . This is way more than being insecure since I blocked him on whatsapp, twitter and deactivated my viber . I was avoiding from things that involves with him . It felt like the whole thing was getting ready for a countdown till everything would be gone and it's like that one day, I'm not gonna be able to control my tears and patience .
I really miss him and as much as i do, i cried . I couldn't dare myself to even call him . If i was to call him, there was nothing to be said but simple words in reply . I thought to myself in the evening, guessing and fixing and that i finally knew why . I was getting ready for the day when we could barely pick up our phones next year . We would be miles apart again, we won't even have time to even reply to our texts . Our lives would be busy and I was learning to be independent and that i wouldn't have to rely on him at all times and because I love him, I was pushing myself away to live alone for the day to come . I was taking chances while he is away right now . I'm sure he won't be lonely, he got people who loves and cares for him . They know him better than me . I mean, I only know him for 6 months and i never know how his childhood was like . I know it was hurtful and very lonely but i never how it goes. I only know 3/10 of it and I understood everything without even asking for more stories because I don't want him to remember such painful past of his nor would I even want to hear such sadness he had gone through . I just want to live happily with him and I want him to be happy and he should know that, me being happy is not the way of him to be happy. How much he told me that he would, i couldn't believe that . Every one has a dream and a wish and it wasn't always about somebody else's feelings . I know he knows that so I'm trying hard to stop being a baby and worry him . I'll learn to be strong for him .
So
Dear Prince,
If you're reading this, please understand . For the days you'll be gone, let me learn to live alone so that when the day comes, I wouldn't be SO sad . You know I love you truly and you know I don't want to burden you . I'm a big girl right ? and I wont leave you...
Ever :')
I really miss him and as much as i do, i cried . I couldn't dare myself to even call him . If i was to call him, there was nothing to be said but simple words in reply . I thought to myself in the evening, guessing and fixing and that i finally knew why . I was getting ready for the day when we could barely pick up our phones next year . We would be miles apart again, we won't even have time to even reply to our texts . Our lives would be busy and I was learning to be independent and that i wouldn't have to rely on him at all times and because I love him, I was pushing myself away to live alone for the day to come . I was taking chances while he is away right now . I'm sure he won't be lonely, he got people who loves and cares for him . They know him better than me . I mean, I only know him for 6 months and i never know how his childhood was like . I know it was hurtful and very lonely but i never how it goes. I only know 3/10 of it and I understood everything without even asking for more stories because I don't want him to remember such painful past of his nor would I even want to hear such sadness he had gone through . I just want to live happily with him and I want him to be happy and he should know that, me being happy is not the way of him to be happy. How much he told me that he would, i couldn't believe that . Every one has a dream and a wish and it wasn't always about somebody else's feelings . I know he knows that so I'm trying hard to stop being a baby and worry him . I'll learn to be strong for him .
So
Dear Prince,
If you're reading this, please understand . For the days you'll be gone, let me learn to live alone so that when the day comes, I wouldn't be SO sad . You know I love you truly and you know I don't want to burden you . I'm a big girl right ? and I wont leave you...
Ever :')
Grace
Assalamualaikum,
It's still morning apparently and so, i hope you people who read this have a lovely day by wasting your time to even read this . Just had Milo for my morning drink, didn't eat for breakfast since I'm just chilling my stomach from all the bloating and stuff . I've been eating a lot and it's a sign of me almost to my women cycle. It's not as fun as you think, i mean the bleeding and changing . It's like dressing yourself up like a baby when our diapers are full . Whatever it is, I'm gonna go through that really soon .
Didn't receive my morning call today due to my boyfriend staying over at his friend's house for her sister's birthday and yes, the friend is a SHE if you're asking and how am i to allow my own boyfriend to stay at another girl's house? Let's just say, they are his close friends and they're like his family . I do get insecure but relationship is about trust right ? ...... OKAY screw that, I don't trust him, but what can i do? It's his life . All i ever did was be patient when he does stuff that I don't want him to . All i am left is just... umm, books ? Add maths books.
I have been studying these days . Trying to catch up . I'm not smart but I have a wide forehead and I'm sure my brain could fit some information that i don't need from studies . It's not fun nor it is helpful . I don't want to work in an office . It's not cosy with silence and phone rings , I love travelling and i hope I get a job with something to do with that .
That concludes today's post .
Later .
It's still morning apparently and so, i hope you people who read this have a lovely day by wasting your time to even read this . Just had Milo for my morning drink, didn't eat for breakfast since I'm just chilling my stomach from all the bloating and stuff . I've been eating a lot and it's a sign of me almost to my women cycle. It's not as fun as you think, i mean the bleeding and changing . It's like dressing yourself up like a baby when our diapers are full . Whatever it is, I'm gonna go through that really soon .
Didn't receive my morning call today due to my boyfriend staying over at his friend's house for her sister's birthday and yes, the friend is a SHE if you're asking and how am i to allow my own boyfriend to stay at another girl's house? Let's just say, they are his close friends and they're like his family . I do get insecure but relationship is about trust right ? ...... OKAY screw that, I don't trust him, but what can i do? It's his life . All i ever did was be patient when he does stuff that I don't want him to . All i am left is just... umm, books ? Add maths books.
I have been studying these days . Trying to catch up . I'm not smart but I have a wide forehead and I'm sure my brain could fit some information that i don't need from studies . It's not fun nor it is helpful . I don't want to work in an office . It's not cosy with silence and phone rings , I love travelling and i hope I get a job with something to do with that .
That concludes today's post .
Later .
20121215
This Change
Assalamualaikum,
How are you guys ? Hope you're in pink health .
If you're asking me, it's been rough this few days . There were changes . Well, in my relationship and I was afraid of changes . Going through the same thing over and over again with the same thing in guys and in the end, they would leave, leaving nothing except beautiful memories that you wish you would forget . I was afraid that one day when he change, feelings change . I never want that and that I told him about this . I wasn't afraid to tell him off but I was afraid he might take it hard on himself and started blaming himself for all the things he caused me . Partially, it's my fault too, for not taking care of him that well . All I ever did was be selfish, and in one a fight, I'll run away, from everything . Not talking and just lie down on my bed thinking what and when it'll happen, what will I do ? and the one trying everything to work things out was him . He begged, he cheers, he tries, that's what he'll do and what if, what if he never do it again ? He got tired of trying ? I threw all my feelings out on twitter with a little bit of mood swings and then he knew I was talking about him that he needed to talk to me .
At 9.07 pm, he gave me a whatsapp text to tell me that he was worried too .
I know it sounded like a 6 year old writing it to their mother but it's really touching and I was happy that he was always trying for me . I reminded him that he was always BETTER than any of them and the guys I've met so far and that I don't need anything but his presence. But he kept trying to be better and caused something to differ . I hope he knows that I still love him no matter what happens and that I hope he would still love me because I was afraid he would change that too .
How are you guys ? Hope you're in pink health .
If you're asking me, it's been rough this few days . There were changes . Well, in my relationship and I was afraid of changes . Going through the same thing over and over again with the same thing in guys and in the end, they would leave, leaving nothing except beautiful memories that you wish you would forget . I was afraid that one day when he change, feelings change . I never want that and that I told him about this . I wasn't afraid to tell him off but I was afraid he might take it hard on himself and started blaming himself for all the things he caused me . Partially, it's my fault too, for not taking care of him that well . All I ever did was be selfish, and in one a fight, I'll run away, from everything . Not talking and just lie down on my bed thinking what and when it'll happen, what will I do ? and the one trying everything to work things out was him . He begged, he cheers, he tries, that's what he'll do and what if, what if he never do it again ? He got tired of trying ? I threw all my feelings out on twitter with a little bit of mood swings and then he knew I was talking about him that he needed to talk to me .
At 9.07 pm, he gave me a whatsapp text to tell me that he was worried too .
"Dear My Princess, Im sorry i stop treating u like how i used to.. :'( I know I promised not to stop doing things i did to get u b4 i was with u.. Im sorry im not ur peter pan :'/ Im sorry tht i keep on mking u cry T^T , make u feel insecure, make u moody and keep hurting you.. Honestly idk wht im doing.. But I really love u :* . I really really do... Idk y but u just do.. Im trying to not become like ur exe's :( but the more i try the more i become like them... I always wanna be better than them.(Y) In every way possible.. I really love u.. Im sorry... I wanna marry u n have beautiful n gorgeous babys with u. N things won't drifter away.. Pls i know u dont trust me.. But i want u to believe tht im trying my best in every way to mke u happy n make us be together forever . I LOVE YOU <3"
I know it sounded like a 6 year old writing it to their mother but it's really touching and I was happy that he was always trying for me . I reminded him that he was always BETTER than any of them and the guys I've met so far and that I don't need anything but his presence. But he kept trying to be better and caused something to differ . I hope he knows that I still love him no matter what happens and that I hope he would still love me because I was afraid he would change that too .
20121212
Quick Update
Assalamualaikum,
I haven't been posting for awhile now due to me being so darn lazy to write anything at the moment. I'm really tired so I'm going to bed early today . Sorry but I'll make a quick update to you guys. I'm going to meet Heuston tomorrow. Yayers ! hahaha that's all . Okay, Good day people :)
I haven't been posting for awhile now due to me being so darn lazy to write anything at the moment. I'm really tired so I'm going to bed early today . Sorry but I'll make a quick update to you guys. I'm going to meet Heuston tomorrow. Yayers ! hahaha that's all . Okay, Good day people :)
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