I don't know why I'm even doing this to myself to him . I don't even know what's wrong with me . I feel so depressed and sad and that i don't even know what I'm doing anymore . When I think again, I was pretty sure it wasn't him being away from me . I don't have a reason to be . This is way more than being insecure since I blocked him on whatsapp, twitter and deactivated my viber . I was avoiding from things that involves with him . It felt like the whole thing was getting ready for a countdown till everything would be gone and it's like that one day, I'm not gonna be able to control my tears and patience .
I really miss him and as much as i do, i cried . I couldn't dare myself to even call him . If i was to call him, there was nothing to be said but simple words in reply . I thought to myself in the evening, guessing and fixing and that i finally knew why . I was getting ready for the day when we could barely pick up our phones next year . We would be miles apart again, we won't even have time to even reply to our texts . Our lives would be busy and I was learning to be independent and that i wouldn't have to rely on him at all times and because I love him, I was pushing myself away to live alone for the day to come . I was taking chances while he is away right now . I'm sure he won't be lonely, he got people who loves and cares for him . They know him better than me . I mean, I only know him for 6 months and i never know how his childhood was like . I know it was hurtful and very lonely but i never how it goes. I only know 3/10 of it and I understood everything without even asking for more stories because I don't want him to remember such painful past of his nor would I even want to hear such sadness he had gone through . I just want to live happily with him and I want him to be happy and he should know that, me being happy is not the way of him to be happy. How much he told me that he would, i couldn't believe that . Every one has a dream and a wish and it wasn't always about somebody else's feelings . I know he knows that so I'm trying hard to stop being a baby and worry him . I'll learn to be strong for him .
So
Dear Prince,
If you're reading this, please understand . For the days you'll be gone, let me learn to live alone so that when the day comes, I wouldn't be SO sad . You know I love you truly and you know I don't want to burden you . I'm a big girl right ? and I wont leave you...
Ever :')
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