It's like OCEANS

Assalamualaikum,

Something rather twisted happened.

Apparently, I got my overseas chocolate by Adzim from Labuan today . I wonder if he still remembers my crave for those chocolates since it was my utmost favourite and i would ask him to bring back some whenever he got back from Labuan . Well that was when we were actually attached but now, no longer. Shared a big bar of it with Amira and Haikal since he couldn't buy each one, ONE. I mean i totally understand. I do wish that bar was all mine but my mum told me to share things with people and that it's not good to be greedy so, alhamdulillah, i did and with an open heart, i shared . He kept saying that my boyfriend was funny just because he asked him for an advice . lol

The sad part of a happy day was that my boyfriend went from the happy mode to a sad one. I couldn't possibly let it happen that i budge him to tell me and sadly, it was because of me. Because he couldn't be any of the first in my life and that my ex's are revolving around me whenever i do whatever . I felt really guilty that i was going to cry myself in school but i held back and talked to him. He told me before that he would want to be the last and i just felt a sudden shock when he started saying that he would never be the first and get down in the dumps . I questioned myself of why he started saying like he was never good enough when i said it's a normal thing for me to cry and get depressed at times . I know I'm so emotional in things that saddens me but that's not the problem, he's amazing, how bad he is at things, he still is and i love him to every bit. Is that not enough to explain ? To trust me ? Have i ever lied ? I don't understand how could such things bother him but somehow, i understand what pain he's going through. I would feel insecure myself. If i was right beside him, i would caress his cheeks and hug him, let all of my love flow in his ears with the words i've been dying to say right at it and show him what it means to be needed because i need him, always . That moment felt like I was right about to lose him, like he was trying to make me run but didn't know how to say it, like a child running from a scream, that i needed to save him and catch him but wouldn't make it . I was afraid in fact . I couldn't let someone i care so much slip away from my fingers again . I know he's scared, he had always been . Right now, i couldn't do anything . I'm sorry .

Life was never fair so i decided to put my faith in Allah to at least make a moment which will last forever and that i pray for one day, we will journey through with alhamdulillah . Amin .