Here's my next post of the day.
It's 2.12am in the morning and i couldn't get some sleep. I'm thinking of things that i should have put away since yesterday but i couldn't. Today i suddenly got a text from him and it was like.... The old him. I don't actually know why suddenly, it was the guy from the day i remembered, but it only lasted for only like 2-3 text and it when back to "Alrighteyh" sentence again. After the text, i didn't know what to say, i ALWAYS have nothing to say when he said that and because of it, I replied with "ok" but this time, it's nothing. I put my phone away so i wouldn't have to think about it. I cried, a bit and i cheered myself up with twitter. Obviously it didn't work.
7pm, i went out to celebrate my grandma's birthday. Had a talk with my cousins about my brother. It was about his relationship with a girl named, Nadiah. She's taking culinary and my cousins were like, "okaylah, menantu pandai masak" but my mom wasn't happy about it. She didn't want my brother to have to divide his love for his girl. She wasn't ready to have that mother, son love away. My dad and my cousins had his back. It was the reason of his absolute grades. My dad didn't want that pressure to get to my brother so it was just my mom. We ate Japan Cheese Cake made by Berry's. The food was great until i went back home.
I saw this hashtag on twitter about my friends relationship being in a mess and wanting to made a trend #imsorrynadhrah . Truthfully, Nadhrah was lucky to have a boy who wanted to help, who would try anything to get her back up in his heart. I was jealous, instead, i wasn't in my best mood too. Right now, he's asleep(different guy), i knew he was tired. Also, his mom is coming back home, surely he should have his best moods on, i didn't want to ruin it. I know, i'm taking the burden but that's what i do now and again, sacrifice for people's happiness, even though it was going to hurt me badly.
One day for sure, my efforts would be a help to all my problems. I remembered that one of my friends told me, "If he likes someone behind your back, let him go because you love him, let him be happy and then he'll realize something is wrong with his love life, it wasn't as sweet as you. It'll take awhile but one day for sure, you'll get the goods" but what if it didn't? When it was really goodbye? I don't want to break down again for the second time? It'll take me months for me to forget about him (if i have a boyfriend right away) or years (if i don't have a boyfriend at all) . I'm not calling myself desperate but don't you agree that this is the fastest way to forget about someone you cared for so long and see someone new who was right beside you through all the shits that's been hunting you. But my thoughts say no. Once this love is over, i'm not gonna find love until, i'm fully ready for a new one.
I had enough love life, seriously, being the only one serious sucks more than anything. I'm no robot, i don't have rusty feelings, i wouldn't just give my secrets to anyone, it's because i trusted you i did but you lied. You're starting to lie. I'm not a fool. I know when you're lying and when you don't. I told you didn't i that i don't ever want to hear a lie and just be honest, but you didn't you lied. I had to use the "lie to Allah" for you to tell me the truth. Seriously, you're making packs of things i couldn't try to understand. If you don't want me in your life then just say so, but you didn't, instead you're putting hearts on someone else and kept it a secret.
You said you never want to see me "sad" anymore, but why are you doing it? We're not even arguing anymore. I just don't get you, I'm losing you and myself and the reason why you even said i love you. I'm just losing it...
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