I Realized I Was Dreaming About This

Assamualaikum,

Hello Readers, This is my 4th Post and counting :)

So i'll be off to Australia in..... 5 more days, that would be on Tuesday Next week. Yay ! *clap hands* I'll a bit shakey on flight since i'm afraid of height. The last time i rode it, my body were all shaking like i'm freezing or something. Okay, Don't laugh at me :P If you look closely, my mom planned for us to spend money wisely before the journey because it cost a lot, i mean Australian Money is BIG i tell you ~ Compare to our Country money, it's such a big difference RM1500=AUSD 450 . wtf right? This is what happen if you are planning to go far away from home.

Basing on the title, i'm not actually trying to tell you about my trip, It's actually about my relationship. I know the whole post is mostly about my feelings so yea, blablabla. Anyways, just listen up. i'm struggling. Knowing i should not be selfish i'm possibly thinking of letting him go. You see, i just found out things that i didn't wanna know in the first place and the reason is confidential. I dont know if he's happy with me. Before we're in a relationship again, he actually didn't want me when i wanted him back. Maybe, this was the time for me to be ready, take things slowly and let go ~ I knew he's feelings for me lessen and i was hurt, I'm not very sure, what if i say Let's break up? Would he say Don't go or nothing at all again because the last time i asked, he didn't say a word and wants to be just friend. I wanted the past back when we were so AWESOMELY Happy. The time when he'll just want to hug me anywhere and everywhere he wants and let people see how happy we are but now was just like, it's Public and different(based on his view). Am I the only one who doesn't want things to change?

My life has it's twirls and i'm so Unhappy about this. I'm trying to face it but i don't know, i just don't want to let him go, i don't want to find someone new and put a trust on people again. It's tiring, very very tiring. You know your heart couldn't take the pain when you were to be lied again. I know, i was cheated by heart now, maybe i was meant to face the lesson i've been given before. Right now, i'm going with the flow, i'll try to change him, because i changed others before, and i know i could change this one .