Leaving Marks

  Sometimes i wish people could see that I'm not always fine. I have my mood, no one is happy forever even when they look like it. Life isn't always about understanding yourself, it's about taking a chances to understand part of others and I'm that person to do it. Reasons why i don't seem to always look fine since learning people's lifestyle is part of growing up and making right decisions. It may be an annoyance but when people advises you, You just got to accept the fact that it's what they've been through and even though it may not got anything to do with you, somehow, you just got to consider the options, life is a journey where you just got to take risk and do things beyond your wild imaginations right ?

I don't get why I felt a weight in my heart like something just wants me to know they're not fine. I cry often due to such emotions, those feelings that you're unsure why you should be .Funny how surprises could put you to a state where you'll smile so fondly but when there's a time you're alone, you know that there's the dark place where I'm right fit into . I tried convincing myself that I'm not alone, when I needed someone, I could just ring a bell on their phone, call them up, tell them how I feel, let them hear my cries at night but nowadays, I just kept it to myself. Being sad isn't the case but feeling so alone is. For years being hated by many and suddenly, I got friends who cares for me, thinks of me and couldn't live without me. It's surprisingly sweet but I was never used to it. Having friends around, I wasn't so sure about giving trust to them.I was failed by tons of humans before, they back stabbed each other like it's a joke and was never sure of how i would feel knowing the pain. All i heard was laughter flooding the classroom doors. That Primary moments when you just felt like forgetting but couldn't . I'm extremely traumatized.

  I remember i made promises with someone, I was sure to keep it, might break a few but replace them with something warm . I was always to let down, I couldn't hold any pain after every heartache. "I won't leave you" was a joke to me since then. Was I even sure that, that particular word means something to them or they just want me to feel good about myself, like i'm some kind of unicorn . I'm not unique, I'm just different. Maybe life just haunts me to sleep, maybe I was never used to reality even when I experienced so much but still felt every breaking moments of life.

I am not a superhero.

"You learn from mistakes."
 I heard it somewhere, maybe somewhere around the net and I made it a word of wisdom so i could go on perfectly and I am, I'm trying to be so but nobody's perfect since there'll be day when the moon loses it's shape and I lose myself. Therefore, I was never close to being fixed, I'm still broken to bits.