Storm

Having second thoughts is hard, when you fall in love but noticing how they were close to somebody and thinking if you were ever good enough, to understand what they've been through, to understand things that was impossible for us to even understand . I was in a dilemma . Life was never fair. We don't always get what we wanted and instead it explains to the opposite gift and it wasn't always so pleasant. I was jealous of them, of how they used to be so close to him before me, to had ever seen him everyday and unlike me, it was always virtual and for once, I was able to hold him in my arms and that was momentarily. Waiting was never a skill, it was torture but i was yet to given up reality. I noticed how i wasn't the only one missing him, it was the past all over again. I mean think about it, if you ever come back, who would you see first? Your friends or your lover? They say friends were much more important and i was that lover who always got left out in every status. I was practically nothing in the end.

Long distance is nice, you'll love, miss and want each other more but whatever plans you made would probably be jeopardize by friends. LIFE..... It was never easy . You only sacrifice more instead of getting sacrifices from others. I don't care what had gone in his past but i just hope that he realize that I'm a present, maybe the present of his future. It'll be sad if it doesn't workout, I don't even know if I was still in his mind. There could be others much better to think about and I'm just a second deal in a chapter. Love is about trust, and I do trust him but I doubt things that I'm not the only one revolving around him. I was left alone again, sided in the mind of a blank page and I don't even know where to go from here. I was always flowing, flowing to hope that things would grow better somehow . He kept me company at night/morning/day/evening and every second of my life and i just had to give him a ring but I didn't. I always waited for him to start the conversation first, Just to make sure he was thinking about me, just so i could know that i wasn't the only one feeling what he feels but if this goes on, it wouldn't be fair for him, just because he's a guy, he got to the job. I want to make him notice how much i've been thinking about him but I get insecure with what i have even though he already accepted every part of me like a husband. I don't know, I doubt myself i was ever good enough for him, reasons why people leave me for a memory.

I pray to Allah, There'll be away for me to get away from this terrible thoughts that has been running through my mind all day. Amin.